Dream a little dream of me.

Dreams. Funny things, right?

Dreams can be aspirations, desires

Or plain weird situations that run through your mind while you are the closest you can ever get to being dead without actually dying (AKA sleep).

I've had dreams where indians capture me and cut off my hands and feet, so I would not be able to escape. I dreamed once that I was married and had just delivered a baby. They brought my new daughter in to my room, and as soon as I saw she had red hair, I turned to my husband, gasped, and exclaimed, "CAN WE NAME HER GINNY?!?!?!?!?!?!" (Too much Harry Potter? Never.) I've dreamt of dating Nick Jonas or Zac Efron (ranked among the greatest dreams of my life. hands down.), I've had dreams about choreography changing last minute without my knowledge and therefore looking foolish in front of the crowds. I've even dreamt of a friend coming home early from his mission, and I cried out of frustration and anger that he refused to finish. (I yelled at him and woke myself up because I had actually yelled out loud). 

My dreams for the past two nights, however, have been just exactly how I hope the future to be. You know, the kind of dreams you hate to be awakened from? The kind that are so real, and so random, yet perfectly planned as if you had full conscious charge over them.

I deeply despise when my hopes are crushed, so I try not to get my hopes up too much. Unfortunately, in this particular aspect of life, my hopes are way too high to be real, and I feel as though I have no control over the constant climbing of said desires. It doesn't help that people are always calling attention to the matter and giving me higher and higher expectations.

"I guess I'll find out in 17 days"

Pressure's on.

(P.S. I know I promised a while ago no more vague blog posts, but I lack the verbiage. Sorry.)

Hashtag Bunhead 4 Lyfe

**Photo Credit goes to Ballerina Project on Facebook. Look them up if you want hours of flawless beauty displayed before your eyes.**

Once upon a time, I was living my dream.

Theatre Ballet. Srsly? Nobody pinch me. I've never been so motivated to improve and work hard in my life! It hurts like nothing I've ever felt, and yet it's invigorating and refreshing! The team is super funny, and I love that I feel welcome with every single person. I already have pterodactyl jokes with Taylor and sassy crumping in tutus jokes with Kristen and Mckenna. Dzon't even get me started on the dziva dzancers jokes with Kelli and Taylor. Some interesting things are going to happen within the next year, and I can't wait. I'm going to work the hardest I've ever worked in my life, and I'm going to love every single minute of it.

Two days until my debut performance on the BYU Dejong Concert Hall stage. Where projecting feels like you're looking at the ceiling because the balcony goes up and up and up. I am so so so stoked and nervous and excited and anxious and happy and jittery and delighted and uneasy and eager and timid. But mostly just thrilled. It has been ten months since the last time I performed. Too darn long, that's what I always say. I miss the adrenaline rush, that split second right before you go on stage for the first time when you feel like you are going to wet yourself, but as soon as you take the first step out of the wing you're fine. Or when the first piece ends with a strong chord, and the crowd erupts out of a wall of silence like thunder. I can't wait to see all my amazingly supportive friends, ward members (who are also friends...), and family members after the shows. To show them my costumes up close, to ask them about their insights and feelings about each piece. But most of all, I can't wait to share with the audience the message of my heart. Cheesy but crucial. Dancing is one of the most vulnerable art forms there is. Actually, it is the single most vulnerable art form. But we'll discuss vulnerability tomorrow, I think.

Until then,
Feast upon this and get excited for January:

P.s. If you're coming to the show this week, please wait in the foyer after, so I can say hi and thank you for coming!!

Deer in the Headlights

You know those times when you're so overwhelmed and so stressed that you can't even make yourself do any of the things you know you need to accomplish?
When it feels like your chest is so tight that you can't breathe?
Like a deer in the headlights?
Or when you have a rush of new anxieties when you think about a paper you should be writing?
Or when your new pointe shoes that you needed for this week don't fit, and it becomes just one more thing to stress about?
Or when you plan a girls night but it turns into a doing homework night instead because you're in so far over your head? Or when you don't have any clean laundry?
Or when all you think about is 556 miles away, and everything around you is moving in slow motion with muffled sounds? Like a dream when you can't keep your eyes open or can't run away fast enough...

This is what today feels like.

#SOS

These are dark times, there is no denying.

Thanks for the quote, Rufus Scrimgeour.

My life is hard. But it's hard in a good way. Just think:

Some people don't have food. Or clothes. Some people are diseased or uneducated. Some have fears of being shot and/or killed while walking to school each day. Some people don't have parents to love them and hold them when life gets rocky.

You get the idea.

Just because those people have hard lives does not mean our lives are easy. I'm taking anatomy and other hard classes, I have no time for down time between studying, work, and dancing (yep. I probably shouldn't be blogging right now...), I have three church callings, I'm still struggling with a surgery I had back in January. I'm lonely. My family struggles in MANY aspects. I have to pay for my own schooling. All of it. 

Again, you get the idea.

I am very privileged to go to a great school and get an education, but I'm not 100% carefree. The Lord is challenging me to grow and learn. He is putting me through "The Refiner's Fire" out of love. 

It's tough, but in a good way :)
So don't give up hope! Keep living life and trying to enjoy this moment right now rather than wishing away time. The day you are wishing for will come soon enough, and it will be every bit as great as you imagined, but for now just hang tight and get through the week, month, or semester with a smile on your face.

It should be illegal.

Hershey's Chocolate nuggets. With Toffee and Almond bits. Those should be illegal because they are so. DELECTABLE. I probably single-handedly ate half the bag. (Also, the word nugget is tickling my funny bone this evening. Try saying it out loud. You can only say that word a certain way, and it makes me laugh so hard.)

Pinterest and a person's blog on Tumblr. Too much to look at and experiment with and wish for and blog about. What even is homework or humanity when those things exist? I helped paint my friend's bedroom today which makes me want to revamp things in my own room and bathroom and wardrobe and hairstyles and makeup....... the downward cycle of all things vain and delightful. When I'm out of college I hope I still have the drive to do all these fun projects.

Sore muscles that last for days. Do they ever go away? I mean, these don't have to be illegal, but.... love them and hate them, that's all.

Flies. Aka Birds from H-town (according to the next door neighbor). Literally. I get terrorized by them every day. I mean, I get that they.... nope, actually, I don't get it. WHAT IS THEIR PURPOSE OF EXISTENCE???

Dramatic and/or vague tweets. I'm over them. Sooooo far over them, I'm practically somewhere over the rainbow. BYE DOROTHY.

Undecided Soul.

Do you ever feel protective of songs or people you stumble upon while on the internet? (By people I mean Youtubers...) You love the songs (or videos) more than anything, and jam to them all the time, but you know that if you share it with anyone, you will somehow lose your identity and everything you know to be comfortable and great will be exposed and mainstream. Do you know that feeling?

I do. I don't have anything against mainstream, really, it's just that as soon as a few thousand people like a song, then the radio plays it every two songs on the radio and everyone knows all the words, and people tweet the lyrics, etc... pretty soon you grow to hate the song you so loved when you first stumbled upon it.

The point of this post is this: I wanted to share some songs that I really really like these days that either I stumbled upon or a coworker stumbled upon and showed them to me, but I am scared. I realize how ridiculous this is because they aren't even my songs to share because I didn't stumble upon them all by myself (well. One of them I did...), but I feel like I have invested a part of my soul into the songs, so I am not ready to expose it yet.

And now you all hate me for getting your hopes up.

Enjoy these songs (and dances) instead:

His voice slays me.

So inspiring.

One of my favorite love stories told through Travis Wall's choreography.

I can't even describe this with words. Make fun of me as you will: I LOVE this movie. And this scene. And I want to dance on a garden rooftop with Zac Efron while he serenades me. :)


Peace and Blessings (and bruised toes),

Lize.

Do you like me? Check Yes or No.

Remember back in the days of kindergarten and elementary school when girls said boys had cooties, but they secretly wanted a fairytale wedding with the Brantz Wilcoxes and the Zac Hunters of the playground? When little notes were never-so-sneakily passed that ended in the famous phrase: "Do you like me? Check yes or no." with a little box drawn next to each word? Remember how it was so easy to flirt back then? Remember how easy hope was? or how easy it was to love? 

Those were the days.

Nowadays, though, "life makes love look hard." (Thanks T-Swift. Homegirl's got my back.) Liking boys instantly becomes the most dramatic thing in the world when you grow up. Who even invented over-thinking anyway?

Every girl, despite the complaining and over-thinking and chocolate-eating, boyfriend-shunning words and actions, still wants the fairytale ending slash beginning to a new and exciting life with a Prince Charming of their dreams. The search is tiring and many times "You don't even know what you're looking for until you find him." How confusing is that?? 

Well. There is nothing as hopeful and fairytale-ish in real life as this couple's story. I've watched their short videos at least ten times each. Especially this one. True love. I tear up at the look on their faces when they hug each other for the first time in the airport. I can only imagine what that moment was like. The excitement and anxiety Hailey felt as she waited for him to descend the escalator. But the hope and happiness outweigh any other emotions. Because that is true love.

I love love. I love chick flicks. I love love letters. and I not-so-secretly love cheesy things.
Here's to love.

P.s. I'll give the 4-1-1 on Theatre Ballet soon, I promise!