I need some realignment (in more ways than one). Yes, my back and sacrum and head hurt really badly because I have some ribs out of place, etc. But that's not necessarily what I am talking about.
So here.
--pack and ship: I've worked there for approx. 2.5 years now and made some of the closest friends I've ever had. I even know way more about the mail system than I ever cared to in my wildest dreams. Also, there is no boundary for me there. Some coworkers think I'm a freak *cough, cough, Tyler, cough*, but I like it. It's kind of like a sanctuary. A sanctuary where I file paperwork and water my boss' office plants and stock the breakroom kitchen utensils. Couldn't even be happier.
--CDT: Our concert is this week!! So if you haven't been heavily pestered by me on Facebook, this is your inviation to come! Friday and Saturday at 7:30 pm (there's a matinee at 2 pm on Saturday too). tickets are $12, but with the promo code BYUdance you can get 2 tickets for $20. *end soapbox* Actually, before I end, one more thing. Thursday at 11 am. You might want to be in Brigham's Square on BYU campus. Just saying #surprises
--dance in general: I feel so lost when I'm not dancing. And not just dancing, but advanced classes that push me really hard physically and mentally (ballet and jazz). I hate modern dance classes. I have learned nothing except for the fact that modern involves no technique and makes my muscles turn to flab. Anyway, back to the uplifting things of life. Dance. I don't know if you knew this, but I just adore dance with every fiber of my being. I love kicking my face and sitting in strangely unhuman positions that are normal to me but quite alien to everyday passersby. I love how it makes me feel alive, even if I can't breathe and sweat really badly. I don't know what else I can even say about dance because I am feeling so grateful for my talent and ability this evening. I just want others to be inspired by the movement they witness. I don't want it to be a praise of me and what my body can do, but a praise of how great God is and the thoughts and impressions people had when they watch me (or the rest of the company) dance. This past week I have been pondering the question that I have been asked since I was a little child. That is: "Why do you dance?" As it turns out, that is probably the hardest question I have ever been asked to answer. I don't even know if I know the answer. I could say it makes me love myself, but it also makes me hate myself a little bit. I could say it helps me express my feelings, but it also helps me be numb and forget all feeling. I could even say it is my form of exercise (because I hate running), but then I would have to say that it doesn't ever feel like exercise. I don't know exactly why I dance and why I put up with the pulled muscles and floor burns and bruises and every injury and ache and pain. I just know that I have to. I've contemplated quitting a few times throughout my life, but I can't even let myself do that. ****cheesy alert***** Dance is the thing that makes me me. It has helped me find myself and also lose myself, when necessary. It has taught me things that no human experience in my life could. I'm so thankful for dance :)
So come see my show :)
--moving on:Mah main gurls. I think you have an idea of yourselves, but for name dropping purposes, this week has made me especially fond of Miss BKay, Heather, Catsidy, Jezzica, and Becca. If only you could comprehend the influence these fine ladies have had on me. *highlight of the week* running into Becca in the RB parking lot. So many words. Such wise, very wow. Not even to mention that she is the sweetest woman in the world.
--I need to stop trying to live vicariously through others. I need to somehow live an exciting life for myself instead of replaying people's snap stories a thousand times and wishing I was there or stalking people on social media and wishing to be their friend. I need to make my life happen!! So that's that. obviously it won't change over night, but this is the intervention. To tell myself that change needs to happen. I need to waste less time, get 'er done, and live in the here and now.
--I need to STOP EATING WHEAT AND YEAST. (the ONLY exception is the cupcakes from Cupcake Chic. Don't worry, Brooklyn.) It is one hundred percent a metaphor for worldly desires. Temporarily delicious and blissful and then only pain and anguish remains after the Zupa's panini or graham canyon icecream or Café Rio tortilla is digested. I haven't learned my lesson either because I have repeatedly tortured myself with it since the very day I found out that I was allergic! It's getting rather pathetic. Alas.
Life is great. I can't wait to perform this week and wear stage makeup. Stage makeup is my favorite. hollerrr. It's gon be good... Also, pray that the sock mask won't work and that I won't have to wear it.
Thank you, good night.
#ifeelloved #canyoufeelthelovetonight #ican #liveyourlife
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Karma dances in elevators
Going "cold turkey" on anything is difficult, I must admit. And I failed. Multiple times. Trying to ignore the dress rehearsal buddy ends in embarrassing myself by dancing in and out of the elevator and not realizing he was probably watching. Then there's the whole concert and got-pulled-on-stage part. When he grabbed my "random crowd girl" hand and began pulling me to center stage, I turned my head, and both of us mirrored happy, surprised looks on our faces. Instantly flustered for the rest of the performance. Can't form sentences. Can't even manage to tell him good job. Good one, Lize. Good one. Then there's the day (today) when I decide I can kick this...infatuation like it's old news. First class of the day was jazz.
I walk in, ready to be the best TA ever, and ready to forget about you-know-who. We learned a combo that had no counts, so we could play with timing and the musicality, etc. Then she told us to lay down and close our eyes and just listen to the song. As we discussed the meaning of the song, I face-palmed so hard. It's about loving someone so much, desperation, passion, not being afraid, etc. The song is kinda weird the first time you listen, but the more you hear it blasting in a dance studio that is dimly lit, you easily fall in sincere love with it. I wasn't going to, but I'll post a video of the song. Actually, I'll wait and post a video of me dancing the combo to it soon! That would be more fun.
Anyway, the point is not the dance, although that is very beautiful. The point is that I am smitten and I tried to run from it, but I can't. So sorry to everyone who believed that I could just step away.
But I do have a question. How can I stop being so silly? I need to get to the point where I can be calm and have a conversation? You know, cool as a cucumber? Dating SOS!
Wow. I'm in junior high, apparently...
Good thing gal-entine's is upon us, and I can have a fun girl's night with one of mah main gurls.
Monday, February 2, 2015
When a moment of weakness turns into three pieces of pizza.
Seemingly delectible, but the torture within is never worth it. haha #foodallergyprobs
News: My sister is home from her mission!!! It was a whirlwind of a week last week, but I have loved having my Shanny Poo home. and sitting by her at church is one of the best things.
On the subject of the week from the firey place, nothing turned out how I had planned in my head. But I learned one incredible thing. I do not have to be stuck and miserable in my current state. I can change! I have the opportunity to change how things are in my life through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Today I learned what happens when Eliza gets angry. Not just frustrated or upset, but angry. I said some things that were definitely uncalled for, and yes I feel badly for reacting the way I did, but it was also an interesting growing experience for me. I feel like I know myself better now. I was so mad. Almost shaking with anger. I was about ready to make some heads roll. But I'm (relatively...with the exception of two times today) good at biting my tongue and not lashing out at people when I'm in such a state. I don't say anything, and I shut down, but I sure don't make things worse. And mother was right when she said physical labor helps with blowing off steam. Also, tears and prayer and Reese's peanut butter hearts help :) Also the promise to see a long lost friend's new puppy soon.
Puppies heal all hurting hearts.
I seriously can't even wait to meet Olivia, the puppy. I will hug her and snuggle up to her so much and obviously take pictures because she's too adorable not to document. I need the puppy smell and the soft puppy fur. They honestly make all cares in the world go away.
not Ollie, I just decided today that I want a German Shepherd sohn....
I was told today that desperation is the most unattractive quality to ever posess, but does that count for discrete desperation? Because I'm pretty sure that's what got me into the same theater as a certain someone, and got me the first favorite on my tweet today. Wow. That was exceedingly shallow of me. I blame angst.
My world is seemingly crumbling underneath me, and I'm wondering what is in store for me if everything I was counting on can no longer be counted on...? Sorry for the vagueness, but I wasn't actually supposed to be informed of half of the info I received today, so I was sworn to secrecy. Just know that I may become a little more desperate as time goes on... I know I shouldn't get my hopes up or stress too far in the future, but I have a bad habit of that.
Don't think that my life is all depressing lately. Sure I've had some tough days, but there are also a lot of wonderful things. I get to go to Europe this summer, I am (hopefully) going to LA for a week ish for some sun and dancing, and I have a great concert coming up at the end of this month. Let me know if you want to come to CDT's concert, by the way! Or buy tickets in the HFAC, or online at byuarts.com/tickets. Our show is called "Dance in Concert" and it is Feb. 20-21 with a matinee performance.
peace, love, and battements,
Lize.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)