Insert Orange Cone *here*

I think my little bloggy blog is ready for a new updo. Anyone want to help me? I seem utterly incapable of doing anything artsy fartsy with it... so. Be my guest. I only have a few requirements that must remain the same. So let me know if you are interested! I'm looking for something timeless. Perhaps a new name? I don't know. (Please. You can't really read the desperation that seeps through this post. I am literally on my knees as I type.)





"Oh don't be insecure, girl. Own that ponytail. Work that updo."

Hopeless Adoration

How can I pick the second one

When he won't give me another glance

Unless I dance? (I hate that this rhymes. Apologies.)

He told me I was the only one

who executed the exact picture of what he wanted.

Yet I mean nothing.

 

Sure, he sweeps me off my feet.

Literally.

And yeah he makes the face

Each time we clumsily, yet ironically meet.

Oh the face. 

That childish expression

Immediately reflected in my own countenance.

The face he makes at no one else.

But this infatuation

will never be more 

than hopeless adoration.

For I am just one among the many.

And that's what pulls my heartstrings the most.

And so, with her old ladyish whims, she starched and ironed her face.

Life in this world is increasingly toxic. Yet here I remain, asking Lonesome some questions. But Lonesome doesn't want to admit the facts. So here I remain.

How dare you.

The challenging words that ache to escape my lips. I refrain. There will be a time. Too soon, I fear, I will simply explode, and those will be the first of the precisely planned words to be freed from the bondage of my bruised, gentle heart and liberated from the captivity of my racing mind. 

Just thought I would let you know.

You are the best of me, changing the rest of me day after day.

Chances, they come and go,
but you're afraid and so
you run away...

People are hard to find
when they get left behind
on such angry ground....

Hold on to those you love
Through what you're dreaming of,
You'll make it somehow.
The future can't change the past.
Make every second last,
For all we have
Is here and now.

The hours move
the days go by
we wait for heroes to fall from the sky.
Don't wait too long
to learn what's true.
I promise, you be a hero for me,
and I'll be a hero for you.

Sometimes I miss people.

And you're one of them.

T minus 30 days, 47 minutes and 30 seconds until the gift.

Before I turn

That salty water leaked out of my eyes. One glance and a subconscious thought is all it took. 

I'm broken. 

I don't have the slightest inkling of how to fix me. They don't come when I yearn for them, but I can't hold them back when they strike. 

Good thing no one cared enough to notice me that day. Blink it away. Choke away emotion. Return to the comfortable numbness. To resort to that is something strange, isn't it? But you're oblivious.

"If you wait for someone else's hand, you'll fall."

Love, Lize.

To Misters C and R

 No Deal.

Go ahead. Call me what you will.

The Duplicate Life

It's not as eloquent as you are, but I'll try to make it a good one. For you.

She gives me confidence, the confidence I've always sought after in a friendship. Somehow we have the same life. Our stories should be documented with film and viewed in adjacent theaters at the Water  Gardens nearby. More people would attend her life, but I don't mind because she's my friend. And friends don't get jealous of each other.

The kind of friendship where the words flow freely from the very first second. The faces exuding trust. The million and one jokes and laughs we have already shared. The tears pouring out like waterfalls and the knots in our stomachs. The She's The Man quotes and perhaps a few toss tosses.The caramel on top of the MJ frosty. The country stations that don't have to change in the car. The motherly scoldings and the withdrawals after concert week. 

She looked stunning with him at prom. What a classy couple. {Pardon my usage of that word. I actually despise the cliche-ness of it. But within its most legitimate, truest form, are these two placed.} The things they slyly whispered to me at La Jolla Groves. They were expecting a phone call and a text by the end of the night. Too bad I fell right asleep with my glamorous makeup on.

"I feel fine about it."

"Hey, is the house clean?"

The car rides home or to the church parking lot that end up lasting hours instead of minutes.

Too ironically

we both have odd health problems

that occur in our tummies.

How about that time when we left them all, their faces gazing after us in utter confusion and bewilderment? Let's give them a good fifteen minutes of wonder before we go back.

 Because I can never tire of her. Because she is understanding. 

Because we were meant to be greatest friends.

Because together we are unstoppable.

Life Lessons with Lize: Part II

Sometimes

You need to be best friends with your mother.

Have long detailed conversations

where you spill your guts to her

about that one cute boy 

who doesn't know you exist.

Go shopping together.

Take her opinion and fashion sense seriously

because sometimes

she knows you better 

than you know yourself.

Because Sometimes

your mom is all you have.

The rest of the world will turn their backs

during breaks in spring,

but you don't mind one sip, do you?

Because you've always had

a special connection with your mother.

Ever since you called her

 "Mother" 

when other little girls called theirs

"Mommy".

When "actually" was your favorite word.

When you were two years old.

Sometimes

You love your mother

more than everyone else on the earth.

The earth tends to be cruel and stingy,

but you don't mind one sip, do you?

Because you love being with your mother.

Sometimes

She will help you ask silly boys to dances,

and then speed around town with you

to avoid being followed

by mysterious tailgating vehicles.

She will attend every dance performance

without fail.

After all, she is your biggest fan.

She will hold you in her arms

as the tears glide across your cheeks.

She'll hold you and rock you

and tell you it's alright to be sad

every once in awhile.

She will take you to see shows

and laugh about the irony

of running into your crush.

She'll buy you tickets

to see BOTH musicals

just because she knows it's important to you.

Sometimes

I take my mother for granted.

Sometimes 

our relationship isn't perfect.

but Always and Forever

her baby I'll be.

I love you, Mother.

The Road To A New Me.

Sometimes I get the urge to right a wrong. To change my ways. The explanation isn't always clear, but I follow that hankering, and most often, I come away from it feeling at peace with myself and with the world.

"Takers eat well; Givers sleep well."

This particular wrong has needed righting for a long long expanse of time. 

On a warm Tuesday night in June as I traveled home from High School Musical practice, the dirty ninjas Selfishness and Pride jumped out of the darkness and mugged me. I was kept as their prisoner for a whole ten and a half months. Then, after much wallowing in self-pity, I began to welcome them, along with their gang of Rationalization and Revenge, into my life as old friends. Until one break in Spring, for no apparent reason at all, a small voice named Conscience said, "Hey. I know you didn't like the torture you were put through, but you should ditch the P-dawg and S-dizzle. Your good friends Courage and Caring are waiting for you." So I took Courage by the right hand and Caring by the left, and I addressed that slip of paper. Before too long, it was off. Completely out of my hands. I don't know how this story ends, but I do know that I have taken a new pathway in my life. And I like it.