Send me the Moon

"Sweet Sun/ Send me the moon/ empty the skies out/ bringing me one step closer to you."

P.S. If anyone is out there reading this or even cares the slightest bit, please leave a comment about things you would like me to blog about. My inspirations are running low these days. It can be a question you have for me personally or just anything really. Please?

Frumpy long socks and water-logged worms

The boom of thunder.

The jagged lines of electricity in the sky.

The smell of what is to come.

The thought-provoking whine of the wind.

Forget cliché kissing some hunk in the rain.

Forget gloomy attitudes and sweats and sleep.

Rain is invigorating. Rain is refreshing. Rain is raw, unbridled emotion. Rain is when the sky decides to be vulnerable. When the clouds scream into their pillows and throw little tantrums. Rain is the breaking point we all experience from time to time.

Thunderstorms used to be frightening. They were attacking and invasive. Now I can't get enough of the sound, smell, and sight that washes away all the grime and gunk of the world.

On rainy nights such as this, words pour out of my mind until my thoughts are as clear as the sky the morning after a storm. Words are rained in the form of journals and blogs and lists galore. No stopping them once they've started to spill. I'll throw out some words in the morning because they are too vulnerable to remain evident. Others are tucked away safely in my bedside table, while others still are published here for the public eyes and minds.

Letters, raindrops, words, drizzles, conversations, pouring rain and thunder and lightning and emotion and memories, and long socks and drowning worms.  Meditation and missing you. Lots and lots of missing you.

Thoughts on My Fiends.... I mean Friends.

Either Way.

Friends come. Friends go. Some friends come when you really wish they would just go, while others  go when you wish they would stay.

My friends are all going separate ways, and every time we are brought back together, there are less and less of us here and it is most likely to say one more goodbye. It's getting harder to think we have to grow up slash live different lives than the ones we have known for so long. Yes, they will all come back, but who knows if we will ever all be together again?

Things will never be the same, so cherish the moments while you have them, folks.

Don't you love it when everything just comes together on Sundays? All the lessons (Sacrament meeting, sunday school, and relief society) had an especially powerful spirit today. I got the certain kind of chills that tell me the Holy Ghost is testifying of the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I had the opportunity to see the Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti, Ut on Friday with my single's ward. The program was a little funnier than I remembered, but I still loved the message. There was one part in particular that I got a little teary eyed at:
Jesus appears to the Nephites at the temple in the Americas. He is ministering to them, and there is a giant multitude of people all around him. (Quick exposition: There are literally hundreds of Nephite actors on the hill/stage. It was really neat) Then He calls all the children to Him. When He calls them, you realize about half of the congregation are kids because they run to Jesus as fast as their little legs can carry them. And uphill, mind you. I was so overcome by the spirit as they gathered nice and close to Him, and He hugged them and put a few small ones on His lap. I felt a true sense of how much children adore Him and are drawn to Him because of His perfect love. I also felt a great sense of gratitude for how much He loves me.
He is always patient with me and gives me second and third and fourth chances to get things right. He is comforting and kind. He is my Savior, and He is the only Way. I know He lives.

This is my favorite spiritual song lately. Regardless of my situation, this song has helped me to feel of my infinite worth and potential, and it reminds me that God wants the best for me.
I also really like the following song that was sung in Sacrament Meeting today.

Happy Sunday, everyone.

No More Being Stuck

When you don't know what to do in an every day life situation?

Pray.

Even if it is a trivial and seemingly insignificant decision, and you don't think Heavenly Father will care which you choose?

You sure as heck better pray.

I am a witness that prayers are answered. The prayers for the smallest of questions are answered with the greatest amounts of peace. At least that's the way things were for me this week.
I hate being anxious and stressed, and for some reason I love running emotionally from situations. I run in order to avoid unfriendly circumstances or to protect my heart from being trampled or squeezed too tightly. I run when I feel like people get too close for comfort, I run when I say something I don't mean. I run when I'm scared or when I over-think things too much.

I am a runner.

This week I was stressed and anxious to the point of making myself physically sick. So I started to run away.

But after a good, long talk with The Man Upstairs, I was surrounded by love and hope and confidence that my decision was right, and the running came to a slow and steady walk. 

It may pinch my heartstrings a little when I have to face the facts and tell someone the truth of the situation, but I know in the end I will be stronger and happier than I was before.

P.s. My friends are in New York, and I'm not. So that's why the second picture happened.

The day I was birthed.

Nothing can even describe how incredible June 1st was. So many surprises and sweet moments that I never want to forget. 

...Also some really bizarre things that I will never BE ABLE to forget. Such as a zerbert concert performed on my arm? Please don't ask questions. I loved it, though, because the people I care most about stayed with me through the entire evening. Even one who is currently in Wyoming felt closer than reality.

I began the day with breakfast at Denny's. (I began that tradition last year and plan to continue it forever...) duh, I even got a chocolate shake. Justification? It's my birthday, and I'll eat what I want to. Then off to rehearse the musical I choreographed (it opens Wednesday, so come!!) for the next six hours. Want to know why I loved every second of it? Because there were people I care about there, and we had a good time. Also, they shared their talents with me all day which is a fantastic gift I will always remember. Lunch included Shaunna driving Benjamin, Davis, and I to Wendy's. We felt like her kids. She gave me her advice, which is the sweetest gift I could receive today. 

Next came more food with Morgan and discussions about the Gospel. Friends with high standards is a daily gift that I will always appreciate. Closely following mid-day meal, the totally unexpected package from James Dean himself arrived. I was not allowed to open it until the family arrived. Longest half hour of my life. I was so nervous and anxious and excited, and it was more than anything I had ever hoped for. I teared up as I read the lyrics to the song we began writing before he left. He had finished the song for us, and it could not be more perfect. I can't wait to hear the final product from his vocal chords.

So many appreciated gifts from my family members. They all know me surprisingly well. Fiendy Morgan and the letter-writing kit to stock me up "whilst my bestie is away." Laughed super hard. Next, friends came over, we sat in the back yard and then canoodled on quilts. So much zerbert-ing that Benjamin gave my arm beard rash. Indian accents and tidbits of knowledge from Jon. Kristen put up with my coughing and laughing and gurgling tummy, so kudos to her! 

Even if you weren't able to see me today, I can guarantee I thought about my relationship with you and what it means to me. I love you, and thank you for showing interest in my life over the years. You all shaped who I am today. Thank you all for existing and caring and loving.

P.S. "I think I kinda sorta like being around you, too."

Let's Talk About Elephants.

Huge, loud, unavoidable, seemingly gentle but actually quite dangerous, beautiful but wrinkly.

The largest living terrestrial animal. Up to 13 feet tall and/or 15,000 pounds.

Large ear flaps help control the temperature of its body.

Located in Africa, Asia, and other sub-Saharan areas of the world. 

Also found in the corner of the room.

No matter how hard you try to ignore it, that poor little ellie will remain, uncomfortable as can be, in the small space. Miniature problem? Baby elephants grow. Even dwarf elephants are relatively large in the very corner of space.

Don't read into this any more than is written because you won't find anything worth over-thinking here.

"Paper cuts in time."

Frozen Finger Tips and Matted, Wet Hair

It didn't matter that it was eleven pm. It didn't matter that it was pouring rain outside and freezing cold.

All that mattered were the moments we stood there and danced there and joked there, drenched from head to toe in the Cafe Rio parking lot.

Reesty and billowing- I'm glad Jonny likes my vocabulary.

"Can I Youtube him?....Quote that!"

I also learned something quite.... interesting.... about missions and males.

Also, Sav is hilarious. Morgan was freezing. Jonny is the most hysterical person I've ever met, and he won't let me live it down (I shouldn't have said anything about it in the first place). Davis... is always Davis, and Julie really got out of her shell, and I loved it. I like her a lot. She's sweet and easy to talk to.
I, of course, was the Crazy on the side. Whipping my long, nappy, sopping hair back and forth Willow style while quoting my favorite movie (ten points for Gryffindor if you thought of the title right when you read those words) and doin my own little thing like Beyonce when no one was watching.

I hope this show brings a lot more nights like tonight because tonight was perfect.


P.S. I am chilled to the bone, it is hard to type with frozzen fingies.
P.P.S. exactly 14 days until my birthday. I love/hate surprises, in case you were wondering.

Get me some ice, please.

It's hard not to be grateful these days.

That doesn't mean I don't complain sometimes, because I totally do. But life is a precious gift, and God is merciful. He believes in second chances and strengthening the weak. (I'm sure you're just about sick of hearing "surgery this" and "scar that" and "bad foot....can't do it because of my swollen ankle" something-or-other. The only reason I can give for this is that it's my life right now. It may not be what I want or expect, but it's real.)

I'm grateful I have been given the opportunity to dance again. Four and a half months of sedentary life helped me see that I cannot live without dance as a part of my life. It's who I am! It helps me form opinions and make truth and sense out of this world. I love moving my body to the rhythm and engulfing my entire being into an emotion or purpose. I just have to make it to age 80, and then I can stop.

I am grateful for my siblings. 9 kids in a family is unlike anything you will ever experience, some ways more so than others. The great thing is, despite our weird eating habits and interests and differences, we still love each other. Also, our barbecues are the bomb, just saying.

I am grateful for pain. This one applies inevitably to me. I have had many aches and pains and physical injuries as well as a few emotional ones over the years. Pain is humbling. It reminds me that I am not invincible and have to fulfill my body's personal needs. Plus, if you never taste the bitter, how are you supposed to savor the sweet? That is exactly what happened with me. I wouldn't say I was taking my love of dance for granted prior to surgery, but this injury kept me away long enough to help me see for myself why I need dance in my life. Although the pain I had when I was injured and the pain I experience now are completely different (still excruciating, but different), both prove that I am a fighter, and I am determined to return even stronger than I was before.

I am thankful for "flirtationships."

I'm grateful for Shaunna and funny cast members who secretly intimidate the heck out of me. I am also grateful for the Young Kangaroo and Jojo's little brother for keeping everyone youthful and filled with joy through this whole process. (Three weeks until we open. Yikes!)

I am even grateful for elephantitis. I also don't expect you to understand the joke this statement poses. Elephantitis is actually a horrible thing that I didn't even think was real until last week. But right now I'm grateful for jokes about it because it keeps my mind away from being depressed and angry at my current situation.

I'm grateful for good people who have good intentions and expect nothing in return.

I'm grateful for parents who care about my well being and love me despite my faults. They uplift me when no one else can/will. I love it the most when they try to dance like me :)

I'm grateful for work parties and cute stamps and having places to call home. I say "places" because there are plural spaces that welcome me, come what-ever.

I'm grateful for memories. Memories help us cope when the dance room of the high school is no longer, if you will. They help us move forward in a seemingly fearless fashion, even if we're terrified on the inside.

Grateful to be alive and (almost) well.

With 15 days left to be 18, what is a girl like me to do?

It all started when I left my belt home today.

Today went downhill fast.

Some days are Mia days, and I happen to be having them more frequently these days.

To the Mia's of the world.