claims, schedules, hum drum and happy.

Crazy how sometimes consecutive days have such a polar opposite outcome! It makes me wonder if I am living two separate lives. Like Alter Egos or something.

Anyhooter, Today was.... magnificent. Splendid. Glorious. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I still had my doubtful thoughts and worried thoughts and frustrated thoughts and annoyed thoughts, but none of them seemed to phase me. Especially when...

I got a letter. Yes, the letter I have been waiting to receive for a month. (No, not from Hogwarts. That would have been exceptional, though.) It was everything I'd hoped it to be and more. So sappy, but I must say: I'm quite hooked. Smitten, if you will. Most girls feel great when the person of interest compliments them or does nice things for them. But my situation is a little different. Simply reading the letters from him makes me feel like a million big ones! Maybe because he is one of the only people that I don't have to have a filter with and his friendship makes me genuinely happy. He can bring a smile to my face like no one has ever seen.
         [Side note to the person of interest: If you are reading this now that you are home, I don't even care that you are laughing your face off right now. Ask to reread the letter you sent me dated back to August 12, 2013, and I'll explain everything I was thinking at this moment. end side note.]

Another reason I am obsessed with this day: Have you seen the weather this evening?? If I haven't said it enough, I'll say it again-- I LOVE THE RAIN! Thunder and lightning are the most soothing things. Read this post again to get a sense of what the rain does for my mind. Ahhhh. The pounding of the rain on the roof. It is my heaven. As I type, the rain falls harder and harder and I am seriously in a state of bliss.


p.s. Wish me luck. Monday is auditions for the ballet companies at BYU. I am not one to get nervous, but I am FRETTING.

This song (below) is literally the only thing that got me through this tretched day. (Wretched and terrible. It's a word.) ok.... so this song AND the Sour Patch Watermelons my sister surprised me with at work because my day has been so incredibly awful.

I found out today that sometimes when I'm super duper stressed (times like any time of today), I sign my signature in cursive on a piece of scratch paper. I did it at work earlier without evening realizing it.

Also, my mother spoke some words to me yesterday and made me promise to her that I would say these words to myself every day. They, ironically, were the words that shoved the lump back down my throat and caused the tears to evaporate today. They are these:  Believe in yourself. It's actually a really important concept. If you don't even believe in yourself, how can you expect someone else to believe in you? Take it how you will.

Please enjoy.

 Carrie's voice is phenomenal. And soothing.

P.S. My chiropractor (Brett Haderlie... If anyone is looking for a good recommendation...) is a MIRACLE WORKER. Seriously. And he is so generous and kind. And funny.

A story you long to tell. A moment you long to experience. A song you long to sing. A person you long to hold. Say about that.

Orion shines bright

But I don't seem to notice

Counting the minutes

A complete surprise

Moments of desperation

Counting the minutes

I wonder if this story will have a "happily [eternally] after"... Which story, you ask? I think we all know the one. The one where I find the guy of my dreams and when he asks why him, I'll say, "...because you saw me when I was invisible." Thank you, Princess Diaries.

I long to sing the song of love and know what it's like to feel that so deeply for someone in real life.

I long to experience the black abyss of a grand theater audience anticipating the performance of a lifetime.

I long to hold... hold up. Admitting names is DIFFICULT for me because once I post it, I can't take it back. So... I cannot answer this one. Sorry, Samuel. Many of my readers know the answer, but I cannot admit it out loud. Call me a coward or whatever you will.

"I'm wasting away a little more everyday- wait for me."

Here's to what's left of the summer of nappy hair.

I'm not mad.  I try to be, but somehow, anger is nowhere to be found. I'm just curious. And I miss you more than words can say. The future is definitely unclear, but I've got your memories to cling to while you find you're better place.

You doubt yourself too much. You are going to be astonishing, and everyone can see it. So it's time you see it in yourself, too. Take a deep breath, and don't look back as you step into the unknown.

Always there and ready to conquer the world, unphased by any mishaps. You understand how to laugh at any situation, which is the key to life, really. Everything was surreal until dinner last night. Everything has changed for everyone we know. This chapter of our lives is officially over, but our chapters are sealed together by one infinite bond: emotion.

We are able to feel things in ways that audience members will never know. It is both exhausting and envigorating. I love you all.

I've never met anything like you. Don't be offended. You're brave and you pave your own path. I respect that. And your mind is captivating.

I am in awe of you. I always have been. A big city is no match for your brilliant mind because you were made for this. Go get 'em, girl.

I miss you. Your passion for life will be portrayed through your service, and this makes me realize that I need to write you. I miss dancing with you and singing like Miranda with you. When I think of Pippin, I think of you.

Although we hardly did things together while you were here, I noticed a void in my life when California called your name and you accepted. I can't wait to see you tomorrow night.

And lastly, I'm worried. But what else is new?

Xoxo.

Stop this train. I want to get off and go home again.

The Week from Hectic City

I'm praying for a miracle.

Every minute of every day this week is planned and accounted for, so naturally, I'm half expecting something to go awry. Hoping it doesn't, but expecting it will. It always seems to happen that way. I was at my cabin for the past six days, free of cell phone service, internet connections, and every trouble and care known to the world. Just me, the woods, and yummy food. Mmmmmm. (I also read some good books). I'm now realizing, though, it was the calm before the storm.
This week my sister Meghan is getting married (I'll post pictures later). BBQ with my extended family, Last minute shopping for accessories for wedding outfits, putting together the final music playlist for the reception, pedicures with bride, all the bridesmaids, and Mother, family get-together, setup for the wedding, family to-dos, setup the reception decorations and pray it doesn't rain, family function, more setting up, babysit kids and get ready, set, GO! And somehow in all these preparations I am supposed to work 23 hours and go to ballet at 7:30 each morning? Oh, and I was just asked to speak in church next week.

greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

So, by the request of my sister Marianne, and because I'm going to be around them so much over the next week, here are my goofy nieces and nephews (minus the two who are still in the ovens until November!...) :

Christian. The Tender-hearted.
Mallory. The Artistic.
Channing. The Quiet Charmer. (also, My Ginger.)
Claire. The Question-asking Curly-Q.
William. The Baby-faced Baby Lover. (his adorable smile melts my heart)
Jenna. The Largestpersonalitythisworldhaseverseen. (If you ever need a good, gut-wrenching laugh, look no further)
Abby. The Petite, Porcelain one. (darling and tiny, yet accident prone)
Anna. The Rose among Thorns. (The only girl in her family)
Skyler. Mr. Chubbins.
Brooklyn. The Bubbly.
Ruby. The Best Bud.



Wish me luck.

Plum colored pants and the daily news.

Now that I've gotten myself under control, I think it's ok for me to blog again.

Quick updates on my life right now:

-I attend a 7:30 am ballet class every day. It is killer, but ne'er a day goes by that I don't think "I love this" at least once. Even if some days I'm merely trying to convince myself of that fact. I get really sweaty and reesty and then go straight to work. Lovely, right? The saddest part is, I don't even care one bit.
-I'm wearing my very favorite pair of plum pants that coordinate perfectly with the new colors of my bedroom. Pictures will be posted when the remodeling is complete. (Of my bedroom. Not my pants, silly.)
-I eat constantly. I feel like I have a black hole for a mouth.
-I love birthdays. Celebrating other people's birthdays is basically as great as celebrating my own. (If you don't love your birthday, I will make you love it.) 
-I still have secret desires (on a daily basis) to become a wedding planner or a personal secretary.

That is seriously it. I do the same things every single day. This summer is flying by, and I'm not excited in any way, shape, or form to take anatomy this fall (Is there such a thing as death by fear of cadavers?).

Also, did you hear about the train crash in Spain? So sad. Poor brand new 18 year old missionary. At least he's smiling in the photo from the hospital!


"I've got your memories to cling to while I find my better place"

Send me the Moon

"Sweet Sun/ Send me the moon/ empty the skies out/ bringing me one step closer to you."

P.S. If anyone is out there reading this or even cares the slightest bit, please leave a comment about things you would like me to blog about. My inspirations are running low these days. It can be a question you have for me personally or just anything really. Please?

Frumpy long socks and water-logged worms

The boom of thunder.

The jagged lines of electricity in the sky.

The smell of what is to come.

The thought-provoking whine of the wind.

Forget cliché kissing some hunk in the rain.

Forget gloomy attitudes and sweats and sleep.

Rain is invigorating. Rain is refreshing. Rain is raw, unbridled emotion. Rain is when the sky decides to be vulnerable. When the clouds scream into their pillows and throw little tantrums. Rain is the breaking point we all experience from time to time.

Thunderstorms used to be frightening. They were attacking and invasive. Now I can't get enough of the sound, smell, and sight that washes away all the grime and gunk of the world.

On rainy nights such as this, words pour out of my mind until my thoughts are as clear as the sky the morning after a storm. Words are rained in the form of journals and blogs and lists galore. No stopping them once they've started to spill. I'll throw out some words in the morning because they are too vulnerable to remain evident. Others are tucked away safely in my bedside table, while others still are published here for the public eyes and minds.

Letters, raindrops, words, drizzles, conversations, pouring rain and thunder and lightning and emotion and memories, and long socks and drowning worms.  Meditation and missing you. Lots and lots of missing you.

Thoughts on My Fiends.... I mean Friends.

Either Way.

Friends come. Friends go. Some friends come when you really wish they would just go, while others  go when you wish they would stay.

My friends are all going separate ways, and every time we are brought back together, there are less and less of us here and it is most likely to say one more goodbye. It's getting harder to think we have to grow up slash live different lives than the ones we have known for so long. Yes, they will all come back, but who knows if we will ever all be together again?

Things will never be the same, so cherish the moments while you have them, folks.

Don't you love it when everything just comes together on Sundays? All the lessons (Sacrament meeting, sunday school, and relief society) had an especially powerful spirit today. I got the certain kind of chills that tell me the Holy Ghost is testifying of the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I had the opportunity to see the Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti, Ut on Friday with my single's ward. The program was a little funnier than I remembered, but I still loved the message. There was one part in particular that I got a little teary eyed at:
Jesus appears to the Nephites at the temple in the Americas. He is ministering to them, and there is a giant multitude of people all around him. (Quick exposition: There are literally hundreds of Nephite actors on the hill/stage. It was really neat) Then He calls all the children to Him. When He calls them, you realize about half of the congregation are kids because they run to Jesus as fast as their little legs can carry them. And uphill, mind you. I was so overcome by the spirit as they gathered nice and close to Him, and He hugged them and put a few small ones on His lap. I felt a true sense of how much children adore Him and are drawn to Him because of His perfect love. I also felt a great sense of gratitude for how much He loves me.
He is always patient with me and gives me second and third and fourth chances to get things right. He is comforting and kind. He is my Savior, and He is the only Way. I know He lives.

This is my favorite spiritual song lately. Regardless of my situation, this song has helped me to feel of my infinite worth and potential, and it reminds me that God wants the best for me.
I also really like the following song that was sung in Sacrament Meeting today.

Happy Sunday, everyone.