Thoughts on thoughts.

What are thoughts? How do we have them?

Think about this as hard as you can and hopefully it will hurt your brain like it hurts mine. Do you actually hear them as words in your head? Or are you just thinking of how the word would sound if it were voiced. But if it doesn't have a voice, how are you "hearing" it or thinking of it in your head? How do you form words with no sound? And how does your brain even come up with something like that? A lump of juicy, nasty membranes and nerves that supposedly controls your whole body. How does that chunk of slimy stuff decide which way you look before crossing the street, let alone having a private, conscious thought?

We are miracles. I don't understand it at all, but we just are.

How is someone supposed to remember the last conscious thought before they went to bed the previous night? It's actually really hard for me to remember that. I tried super hard last night to pay attention to my thoughts, so I could remember the last one, but the harder I tried to focus on my thoughts, the wider awake I found myself. Sleeping is about letting your body slip into unconsciousness. You have to let every thought, feeling, and sense of awareness die momentarily. (How do our brains do that???)
I think some of my last thoughts are along the lines of things I have to do the next day, what time I have to wake up in the morning, how I need to change my life around, etc. It's never anything romantic, so sorry to disappoint if that's what you wanted to hear...

Enjoy thinking about thoughts, friends. I'm off to the land where things come and go, where they come back never looking like how they went. (AKA the Pack and Ship)

P.S. I just saw Frozen today, and I'm obsessed with Elsa. And Anna's voice. and Kristoff's hunky charm.

Give it back to me

Ok... So it's 8:15 on Christmas morning and I've been awake for quite some time now. My family decided to break all of our traditions this year, and you could say I'm pretty upset. I almost even gave in and helped set out the presents and fill the stockings. WHAT IS HAPPENING. You could say I'm in denial of growing up, and you would be completely correct. 
It was the quietest Christmas Eve, that's for sure. Being the youngest of nine kids, holidays were always a BIG deal. Huge, actually. Never a downtime for anyone. The most exciting. I have the best memories from when all nine kids were home and we would play games and all congregate at the bottom of the stairs waiting for the parents to wake up, so we could open presents. But this year it was me (the youngest) and my parents. We went to temple square to see the lights and candy windows, then we came home and had Mother's famous potato leek soup and crackers and cheese. Then came the Christmas Story read from the Bible and Book of Mormon by Father. Then came writing Santa and drinking eggnog and much merriment. Then, a movie and sleep at last.
When you're younger, Christmas is magical. Not just because of Santa, but there is so much excitement and curiosity, that it nourishes your imagination. Now it's just kind of stressful. And when your family doesn't have Christmas dinner like they have done as long as you have been living?? Not really ok in my book. They didn't even want to wake up early this year. That hurt a little.
We are talking to my sister at 9 am this morning on Skype and I could not be happier!!!!!!! (despite the fact that we can't open presents until AFTER we talk to her. That's 10 am, people!! Really not ok...) She is currently serving a mission in the Georgia Atlanta North Mission. She's my shmee, my bff, my confidant, my shnook, and my stylist/hairdresser (I'm having too many hair issues right now, so if you know of a good replacement hairdresser, PLEASE tell me.) I write her letters and emails and email chat with her if we happen to be on our emails at the same time each Monday. [don't tell anyone, but I stay on my email all day on Mondays for that exact reason...thank you smart phones.] I miss her too too much. I have become an emotional  fiend since she left because I can't contain my tears when I think about missing her. I miss her annoying hugs when I'm not feeling touchy. I miss jumping on her and her flinching because she knows what's coming. I miss doing all things awkward in front of her and not caring because I know she'll laugh at me and join in. Mostly, I miss talking to her. Texting her. It's all rough. But hey. 463 days until she gets home :)

Anyway, we're about to talk to Sister Shnook now. So Happy Christmas, everyone. I never stop wishing I could be British....

xoxo,
Lize.

The throne

I am the living WORST at journaling. I'll go through phases where I write every single day, but without fail, I burnout. Here's why: It takes too long! My logic---> I think that if I just write, "it was so funny, and I went to the pool again today"and other such generic and absolutely boring things, my posterity will hate me, and they won't really know anything about the way I interact(ed) with people. So, naturally, I try to write too many details of every little thing. I try to remember conversations, the looks on people's faces, the things running through my head, etc. It can end up taking hours for me to write about just one event in a day! They make for great and really memorable posts [I feel like I'm watching a movie/ reading a screen play of my life when I read them], but I seriously can't afford to spend that much time on journaling alone, especially when I'm busy. So how in Sam Hill am I supposed to keep up with it every day? I want to keep track of my life in photos and journals, but it is so hard for me for some reason.

Also, I write about the same five things every day. It mainly comes down to how I'm doing mentally, physically, emotionally, funny/memorable stories/events of that day, and then what I call The Boy Chronicles. Trust me, you WISH you could read my journal. It is probably comparable to a teeny-bopper's diary, but hey. I'm a blue-blooded female, so get over it. 

Please please PLEASE tell me your journaling tips and tricks and new things to journal about.

Happy Christmas!

xoxo,
Lize.

Is it just me?

Do you ever find yourself listening to songs that you hate, but you sing along really loudly because you remember that one of your friends loves the song? Weird, right? Very contradictory, but very real.

Do you ever wish you were something that you're not? Very contradictory, but still very real.

Do you ever wish away your life, but wish you could be young forever. Once again, very contradictory, but very real.

Lately I have found myself doing these three things more than anything else. But I am who I am and my life will only go fast as time permits and I will continue to listen to songs that I hate because I love my friends, so I'll only listen to those songs for the sake that my friends love them. 

I'm contradictory, and I'm a little irrational. But then again, isn't everyone?

Live for today, not six months from yesterday

I am in denial. Denial that I am nineteen, denial that I have to think about my future career, denial that it's finals week next week, denial that I'm no longer a "straight A" student (it hurts my heart to say it. But college is tough, kids. Especially when you spread yourself exceedingly thin and keep getting injured...) I'm even in denial that Christmas is in 12 days, I can eat Reese's Pieces in 13 days, and 2014 starts in 18 days. Denial denial DENIAL. Olympics start in February, I'm going to Italy in July, then I'll be a Junior in college next fall?! Craaaaaaaazyyyyy.

I hate thinking about the future, but today I humored myself (and stressed myself out) by pondering on the future while I was driving home from school. And I realized: I could take my life in so many directions. There are so many dreams and aspirations that I have. So many scary but exciting chances I could take.

For example, don't make fun of me, but I deeply want to become a Radio City Rockette. Like, REALLY badly. Or join some ballet company (PNB? eh, maybe not, but it's a dream...) or a jazz company (like Odyssey or something...) that will appreciate the crazy flexibility in my back (haha.), or I could become a personal secretary. Or I could marry a football player and become such a cute little wifey while we travel from game to game, and I would keep up on all the stats of the best players and the best teams and maybe finally understand the NFL and football in general. Or stay in Utah Valley and teach at some small studio, get married and live a typical life. I have so many scenarios in my head of how my future should turn out, but none of them agree with each other. Thus the confusion and stress.

I don't want to live an ordinary life.

Ok fine. Just read the next part even though you're probably rolling your eyes right now. These are my unmasked emotions, and I don't let them out very often. So be happy and read on :)

I want to marry someone that I will always feel young with. That way we can listen to our favorite bands and artists all the time, even if my favorite happens to be the Jonas Brothers #noshame. We'll feel just as young at 30 as we did at 20. That type. I want someone who is funnier than I am, crazier than I am, and can make uglier facial expressions than me. We need to never get bored of each other and never run out of things to say to each other. And...
...that's the furthest you'll get into my brain for now.

Happy Finals week, everyone. Try not to OD on caffeine and get at least some sleep because it's the best thing for your brain. Besides vegetables. I'll give updates of my life after next week is over, I promise.

Until then,

Lize.

~Just Remember~

Happiness is a risk

Beauty is subjective

Love is sacrifice

Kind words are enabling

Confidence is key

Orion is a constellation

but Idaho is 2.5 hours away.

Christmas is coming.

Tidbits: 2nd installment

You can cry and be sad today, but tomorrow it is someone else's turn.

You are only allowed to be frustrated or angry about something for 60 seconds. Within that 60 seconds you can scream, grumble, yell, clench your fists, whatever the hey you want, but as soon as the time is up, you must move on and let the past go.  (It really works.)

Paper chains make for really cute bedroom decor, just sayin. (currently trying to revamp my room some more. It's a long process, but I'll show you a picture when it's done...if it ever gets done...)

It's ok to be a One-Directioner. #noshame

Lists are great. Keep multiple lists of all the random things in your life. Favorite movie lists, to-do lists, dessert lists, things to tell a missionary about lists, dreams and aspirations lists, future husband lists, etc.

Smoothies (fresh fruit and some green stuff too) are a refreshing way to start the day.

Text or call someone special, just because.

Snuggle with small babies any chance you get.

Super cliché, but the best discovery I've made thus far in my life: as far as making friends goes, reveal your true self right away. Chances are people are going to like you better for who you are than for who you are pretending to be. Plus, if you took my advice from the previous post and have some great facial expressions, the crowd will be sold on loving you... (hopefully. But that sounded a little conceited. Bottom line: Beee yourself.)

Singing Disney songs at the top of your lungs is always necessary.

Be sassy. Everyone likes a girl/boy with a little sass.

To all the humbugs of the world- Christmas music IS acceptable whenever we want it to be. So there.

Don't look down while walking around on BYU campus. Chances are you'll run into a couple who has stopped walking and are now kissing. (but you didn't see them stop because you were looking down) #awkward

Write funny things as well as dramatic things in your journal, so someday in the future you can make fun of how stupid/funny/ridiculous/immature/dramatic you were.

To be continued...

My Tidbits: 1st installment

Never flush public bathroom toilets with your hands.

Sing. Even if you're terrible. Just sing out.

Have the courage to yell, "Happy Wednesday!" out the car window at a stranger.

Procrastination isn't always a bad thing. But it is almost never a good thing. Think about it.

Spice up your facial expressions. They make conversations so much more interesting.

Go for the gold. This does NOT mean marry for money. This means try your best in everything you do and don't sweat the small stuff. Do you think Kristi Yamaguchi or Michelle Kwan sweated the small stuff? Nope. And that's why they have gold medals.

Choreograph a "Yay, it fits perfectly!" dressing room dance for when you try on clothes at a store. You'll never regret it.

Eat Chocolate and don't count the calories. You'll be a lot happier if you love yourself for who you are.

Hold the ones you love a little closer.

Don't wish away time because you don't know how much time you have left.

Pray for everyone by name.

Do a crazy dance for yourself, and then do another one for those who may not be able to dance right now.

Find reasons to smile and laugh, even if it's at your own stupidity.

Have a crush on someone. There is nothing that even compares to the goofy, giddy, out-of-the-blue-smiling-like-an-idiot feelings that come with having a crush. Even if there is no chance it would ever work out. (Some might say you're just torturing yourself, but why not make yourself a little happy for once?)

When applying eyelash glue, less is way way better.

Rock your own skin. There is nothing greater than seeing someone who is confident and comfortable with who they are.

Strut. Just do it.

Free Fallin'

Maybe there's something to say about the free fallers. Who give their whole hearts to something before they even know for sure if it's going to work out.

The risk-takers

The diligent

The resilient

The generous.

Even the "swindlers".

On another note:
There is definitely something to say about my two favorite ladies in the entire world. Telley and Clarissa. I have mentioned them before. They are my heroes. My best friends. They got me through some of the hardest times in my life, and I learned so much from dancing with both of them. There is something special gained from a friendship made through dance. It's hard to describe, but it is NOT anything like a normal friendship one might acquire elsewhere. The only way I can think to describe it is that they see you at your lowest points of life--when your self-esteem couldn't be any worse-- and they also see you at the times when you are on top of the world and celebrating your progress and success.
Point being, they are both engaged, and I cried of happiness when I found out (on both accounts). I also let out some girlish squeals and kicked my feet in the air (as any red-blooded female would...)
I love weddings. I want to be a wedding planner, so if any of you, my readers, need help planning a wedding, hit me up!! I collect bridal guides and often spend my time researching the latest wedding trends. Definitely a passion. Haha. The day I get a pinterest will be some day. My planning capacity will explode.

Also, speaking of craftiness, 

Click Here.

Are they not the cutest things you have ever seen??? I am totally going to buy some for my future little girls or nieces or something because they are absolutely adorable. And cheap too! I love them. They are designed by one of my old dance teachers. She makes adult sized ones too! (hint, hint, Mother. Christmas is coming, is it not?)

Happy Friday, fiends.

xoxo,

 Lize.

No one celebrates

What are seasons anyway?

"December, you've always been a problem child. December, you run me downright restless and wild, and I remember when you used to be mine..."

Fifty-four days until I'm done with this semester, sixty until I can eat Reese's Pieces, and two hundred seventeen days until my birthday.  

I'm good at counting down, if you were curious.

P.S. Look up Sara Bareilles' new album called "The Blessed Unrest" because it is simply genius. Also, Tori Kelly's song called "Dear No One" is my jam today.

P.P.S. I am getting a little carried away with the pictures, huh. Sincerest apologies.