Hurricane

My emotions are SO close to the surface, it's insane.

The past twenty four hours went from being happiest to worst nightmare to crazy dreams come true back to sucky and yet hopeful. Literally the most hysterically I've ever cried. Body shaking and waterfalls and gasping. I went ballistic.

It was the breaking point.

Bottle it up as I may, there is always a point that I snap and everything comes out. My mother was the unfortunate witness of this last night. After trying to calm my own tears and read my scriptures and stop hyperventilating but not succeeding at anything, I ran blindly through my pitch black house into my mom's room, and lost it. Poor woman, she was almost asleep before I rudely interrupted, and she in no way expected what came next.

*Quick side note about my superwoman mom. First of all, raising nine kids and living to tell the tale is quite the accomplishment. Despite my dumb mistakes, she'll get out of bed, and calm me down for an hour or so and help me fall asleep. She'll listen to my hysterics both good and bad, and at the same time be brutally honest and say, "You need to stop now before you end up in the ER." She is my favorite woman. She has so much courage and is able to hold her head high when times are exceedingly hard for her. She has dealt with a lot lately, and though she sometimes feels like a hot mess, she's the most admirable lady. Love her more than my own life.*

I literally felt like I was going to die last night. My body was numb, and I couldn't stop hyperventilating. Scariest feeling in the world. But my mother saved me. I spilled all the things that had been leading up to this, and she patiently listened.

Finally, after the tears stopped and my breathing slowed down to less of a hyperventilation breath and more of a sick and can't breathe breath, my phone made a little ching-a-ring noise. I looked and could not believe my eyes. Mitch Mathews was stalking my twitter account and had favorited a tweet of mine from the beginning of the summer. WHAAAAAAAT. I realize that makes me sound so stupid.
Now I have to explain the situation involving him. He is...indescribable. Wide Receiver for the BYU football team. 6'6" and BEAUTIFUL. Brooklyn and I may or may not have been completely ridiculous about him at the game on Thursday and then waited for an hour after just for him to come out of the locker room. And now he is following me on Twitter and had just favorited my tweet. I was geeking out. This time my mom was laughing at my new bout of tears and laughter and hyperventilating. (the hyperventilating was involuntary because I was already so worked up about everything, and if you didn't catch the little detail before, I'm sick).

Random memory: I ran into two people on separate occasions who I thought I would never see again this weekend, and THEY were the ones to call out MY name and give ME a hug. So it was nice to know that people from my past still care about me. ("past" is such a shady way of wording "high school" haha). I love that all the missionaries are returning now.

So although this was the best and worst weekend (and the worst post I've ever posted), I know these things for sure:

I love my mama, and she saves my life.
Dreams do come true (even though I'm ultimate fangirling)
Everything will be ok, even if it's really scary right now.

xoxo,
Eliza

P.S. Here's a pic of #10 himself after his amazing touchdown. I wish I could say I took this...