eviDANCE 2015. Cracks me up so badly because blurry head. Also it looks like Bryce is laughing at my blurriness. haha!
This story actually begins earlier in the week. I was home alone at my apartment one evening, messing around on my computer. I found some random video archive I didn't even know existed, so I started watching videos from the past few years. Some were dance combos I recorded in class, some were scenic views of Italy. One was of me talking to the camera right after I had woken up in a convent in Florence, and I was trying to show how to get to the elevator from the main area, but I only filmed my face as I walked to the elevator... hahaha. There was a very wide variety of videos. Anyway, I kept looking through, and I found some of my old videos from ballet midterms over the years. I clicked on the midterm videos from when I was on Theatre Ballet. Immediately, negative thoughts FILLED my brain. "I was SO skinny and great looking then! What the heck happened?" "I must be HUGE now!" "What was I eating then and could I try that again, so that I can look that good?" I clicked on the next video and saw my face. My face was way thinner, and I had huge dark circles under my eyes, and I looked exhausted and unhappy. Despite that terrifying sight, I still could not get over what I looked like in those videos. I thought about it for the next few days and tried to eat healthier. I knew I was slightly falling back into the unhealthy mindset I had when I was on TB, but I almost couldn't help it. I tried to casually bring it up to people in hopes that they would help, but all of them brushed me off like I was just being dramatic or something.
Friday I walked into ballet, like any other day of the week. Not really feeling it but willing myself to go because I have skipped so many classes already this semester (senioritis is alive and well). I started class out, looking at myself in the mirror as we faced the barre for our beginning warm up, and tried not to be disappointed in what I saw. As class went on, I felt more and more empowered, and started working harder and pushing myself farther. (Whenever I come back from being sick, I always feel so free and strong in dance classes, so I thought that's what this was...). I felt like I was really dancing, and I was happy. I wasn't nailing things as I usually do, but I kept feeling like I should just brush it off and keep dancing. Then grand allegro came. (For my non-dancer friends: "grand allegro" is the combination done at the end of class with all the big leaps and turns, etc. It's my favorite) I was LIVING in that grand allegro. I was holding balances longer than I ever have, and the music was motivating me to jump higher. When I finished, my teacher pulled me aside and asked if I would do the combination again for the class as a demonstration. I said sure (because honestly, I knew I nailed it...) and ran back to the other side of the room to do it again. And I did it even better this time! It was seriously amazing, and I didn't really understand why it was happening. We discussed the things that I did well in the combination and then the teacher told us to stretch and cool down. As I walked over to the barre to stretch out my calves, I immediately got the chills and a warm feeling inside. I realized that that was God's way of telling me that I am so much more capable now that I am healthy, and that I do not need to be as thin as I was before. I was not happy then, and I may be going through some really tough times these days too, but I have been given a gift by God. I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to follow my dreams and seek out a career in dance, and a lot of people can't say that. My teacher stood up and said she felt impressed to share a quote about living with real intent. Reading it again, it doesn't fit as flawlessly as I felt it did on Friday, but it is still a GREAT quote:
"I encourage you to live a deliberate and focused life--even if you haven't consistently done so in the past. Don't be discouraged by thoughts of what you have already done or not done. Let the Savior wipe the slate clean...Start now. Live an intentional life, understanding why you do what you do and where it will lead. As you do these things, you will discover that the most important "why" behind everything you do is that you love the Lord and recognize His perfect love for you."
Isn't that amazing?? I finished stretching, and left class feeling lighter than the clouds. I wanted to share the experience I had just had with everyone in the world. So now I'm sharing it with you!!
God loves you. And He answers prayers, even silent prayers that you keep in your heart. He also sends other people as tender mercies. I have had so many tender mercy angels in my life this week, and I couldn't be more grateful that they came when they did. I have so many feelings I just want to scream for HAPPINESS!!!!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Maybe I'll update what life is like for me soon.
xoxo,
Lize.
No comments:
Post a Comment