Oh Please.

I'm not sure if I'm "not over it" because you never said sorry? Or I am over it, and I just don't trust you.

Wonderful World.

"I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again"

But that's just me.

I have a firm, firm belief that friendships shouldn't be built upon the joining of forces against someone else. To me, that alliance can never and will never last.

Any thoughts?

I need you to slow me down.

Oh Life.

I never seem capable of finishing all my homework in one night, I never get more than four hours of sleep, and the stress levels are on the increase to the tippy top of those chartycharts.

So there's this lady. She happens to be the greatest one alive. She teaches me neat ways to coordinate my body movements with musical rhythms. I learn things from her that don't have anything to do with why we're there. She continuously helps me realize why I do that thing I do and why I'm so passionate about it. And the particular piece she shared with me last eve? PERFECTLY relate-able (it's not a word. shh.) to my sitch. Twas my splendid escape.

You don't want to love me.

This website is incredible. I could look at it for hours and hours. Please ponder the caption that some immaculate gentleman wrote. It reduced me to tears:

"Dear Photograph,
I fell in love with a woman. I’m not ready to let go…but she is."

Stumble Tumble Crumble.

"Once upon a time", I had the most cliche day. Ever. Complete with rhyming and tears.

"Worst. Day. Ever"

2:30 a.m: "I thought it would never end"

4:00 a.m: "Wake up call" One point five hours of sleep

5:15 a.m: "Scared to death" Nearly kill a family of raccoons on the way

5:30 a.m: ihop with the Crew "Not that hungry"

7:04 a.m: "Calm before the storm" Enter the dance room, finish hair, warm up

7:30 a.m: Hydration pep talk and uplifting quotation time.

7:45 a.m: Body starts malfunctioning. "This too shall pass" No sign of any saliva in my throat and mouth and I'm having difficulty swallowing (Turns out that's a symptom of my wheat/yeast allergy?). "dry as the desert".

--That darling girl had my back. "As luck would have it" The ultimate numb. Deprived of physical sensation or the ability to move or feel, except for occasional jolts of panic. "I'm okay". "Look before you leap" Proceeded to perform."Fake it til you make it". "You bet your bottom dollar" I didn't make eye contact.

Sometime after first period:  "Back to square one" Palm smacked by the exchange of kward smile and high five (?) Mentally unstable for the entirety of the day. "Just be yourself"

3rd Period: Hungry, tired, sick leaf in my pooch, stressed, on the verge of tears, and had to go to the bathroom since first period. "When it rains, it pours"

The list of unfortunate events that happen go on and on and on.

--"Keep your head up". Jazz private lesson with my favorite person in the world. Brief narrative of my day ("Crying buckets"), and she knew just what to do for me. By the end of the night, Dripping sweat, music pulsing, bruised body, and a scrape across the back never felt so good. "Blood, Sweat and Tears"

There were some profound ones that I thought of earlier, but they've escaped my memory.

No more "11:11" wishes for me.

So I guess "Love at first sight" isn't the only Cliche I believe in.

Starting Over. Again.

The bell rang. Lunch time. Wowy, what a non-eventful day it had been so far. I turned the corner by the library into the main hall. Not the best decision I've ever made, due to the fact that there were more people packed into this hallway than I even knew attended my school! With my head down, I followed the flow of traffic (practically bumper to bumper, people). Thoughts were zooming through my head of the mill trill responsibilities and homework and places to be and the dream I had last night and homework: When was that green paper due? Did we have a reading assignment in that class? I really need a planner. Where is he? I usually see him in this hall. I hope she's already at the table. Why are there so many.... I froze mid-step. Dead in my tracks. Did I seriously just have those thoughts? I gasped aloud and tears filled my eyes. Why was that such a real feeling? I knew they were gone. Never to come back again. But my brain didn't accept it until now? And it hit: I'm the senior. I have to do this on my own. As I was shoved along by restless hungered students, I attempted to hide the waterworks, but the thoughts of them kept echoing in my head.
This happened last year too. Can someone please tell me why my favorite people have to be in the grades above mine?? It's killing me.

Dear American Fork High School Teachers, Students, Parents, and Alumni:

Remember Dance Company??
Oh, just you wait and see...

This week we had a campycamp. Amidst the stress (to the point of wanting to pull my hair out), I've come to find I already love them. So much.

These girls are some of the sweetest I've ever met. And if you mess with one of them? You had better plan on messing with all of us. Yep, all twenty-one.

 Ohkay... So we're not all in this picture. nbd

And to Think I Thought...?

My mind is too much to handle. Too. Much. Exhibit 1A: I attended a wonderful farewell today for an exceptional young man. {Quick Side Note: His testimony is so strong and he will, with out a doubt, be a very successful mish mish. He's going to touch many hearts and lives with the Spirit. End Side Note.}

As I attended said farewell, I managed to strike out. For the third time. Forgiveness was no longer an option. I was now discarded. Looked down upon even. One look is all it took. (I know it rhymes. Awk.) Or so I thought.

Here's where it all fits. You see, I have anxieties about people being upset with me, and my mind is very analytical. Even though I'm prone to it (aka females are known for "over-analyzing"), my case is extreme. Exhibit 1B (my mindset): Everything that is said in conversation HAS deeper meaning. It has to. Every look that's given has a silent message. The worst part is, I think every human is like me in this aspect. I subtly hint my feelings to people through word choice and facial expressions. Obv they'll catch on. Wrong. A wise lady once said (something along the lines of), "People are stupid. They just are." Why yes, Miss, they indeed are.

The point is I was wrong (thank the heavens). No more digging for disguised deets.

And How Old Are You, Miss?

For those who know me, you know music has an interestingly large impact on my emotions. Especially in days of late. 

So this one time (today) I was introduced to some impeccable music. As I came across this beautiful eleven year old girl named Anna Graceman, I was indeed moved to tears. And did I mention she's only 11?? Please observe this little angel at work:

Other songs I completely adore:

1. So I Cried
2. Unexpected
3. New Pair of Shoes
4. See You in My Memories

Now children, that's what I like to call talent.

Peace and Blessings,

Lize