The week that never ended until it did

Last week was... INSANE. Stressful as heck and yet a blast and a half. It was the week of eviDance at BYU. eviDance is a peformance that happens yearly where all the performing companies come together and put on a show. This included Folk Dancers, Theatre Ballet, Ballroom, Living Legends, and CDT! It was fun to meet new people and share our passions with each other throughout the week and celebrate all the amazing talents we have been blessed with. Not only was it fun to bond with other companies, but I became closer with my own company too! CDT is a safe haven for me. A place where I feel completely 100% fine all the time. Sure I have bad days where I don't want to be there, but so far I love it.
I had some incredible support this week, and although the numbers were fewer than previous years, I did not feel a shortage of love. I was completely overwhelmed by the love, actually. I felt like a bird brain, distracted by every little thing because it meant the world to me that my closest loves came. It's amaizng to know people enjoy watching me dance. It's actually a really silly concept, if you think about it. People pay money to sit and watch other people move their bodies in inhumanly ways while trying to portray a message. Yet it works. Also, I love my ballerinas even when they call me the "traitor" and "defector." It's weird not dancing with them anymore.

This show taught me a few things:
+being sick and performing is the worst. Especially when you hack up a lung every time you exit stage.
+If you are assigned to be someone's understudy, make sure you know what you're doing, even if the choreographer never gets around to working with you on that part like he said he would. Even the most seemingly invincible of girls can fall ill to food poisoning, and guess what? Five minutes before the show, you have to step in and do a part you have literally NEVER done before... Scariest moment of my life.
+Compliment others without expecting a compilment back. Not that I had an issue with this before, but it was reaffirmed this week.
+It's nice to receive strange compliments. I was complimented multiple times on my teeth and the way my tongue fits in my mouth...? Haha also the way I eat, and the way I react to things people say. Those were oddly the most satisfying compliments I have ever received.

Here's the incredible family that I love with all my heart and can't wait to make more memories with!

CDT 2014-15

Oh! I almost forgot... When we were backstage before the finale one night, we decided that each company is like a faction from Divergent. CDT is obviously Dauntless, Ballet is Erudite, Living Legends are Abnegation, Ballroom is Candor, and Folk is Amity. So there's that.

Sunday Conclusions

Staying home sick is always a bummer. But one thing I have realized today in my lazing around is:

All I care about is dessert. My Pinterest? Mostly desserts. My cravings? Always dessert. I know sugar isn't good for sick throats and doesn't help congestion and the phlem situation gets so real, but I cannot help myself right now. I need a brownie in a mug or some cookies STAT.

(just looked up the word "lazing" and it is actually a word, so ten points for gryffindor)

I understand the importance of eating healthy and wanting to feel good and such, but I could eat desserts all day every day. Yesterday I went to a sibling dinner with my mom and my dad's siblings (my dad was out of town, so I took his place) and my Aunt Osa (she's a Swedish wonder of a chef) made the most amazing pies I've ever tasted. I don't like apple pie, but hers was so creamy, and the apples were the perfect texture, and it was topped with Swedish vanilla sauce! Like, what?? Amazing. Then we also had a lemon meringue pie of hers, and I have never tasted such a light and frothy lemon meringue pie in my life. A dream.

Are you salivating yet?

I'm thinking of what I should do for my sister's one year mark package. Can you believe she has been gone almost a year? Crazy. She is currently serving in the Georgia Atlanta North Mission. Anyway, I was thinking about sending homemade oreos because that is a Summerhays trademark cookie. In fact, I thought throughout my entire growing up years that we had made up the recipe because no one else around had heard of them. But now they're everywhere, sohn...

Some other delicious desserts I have partaken of this week: Swig sugar cookies, fall caramels from the BYU place of my employment (aka the formerly known Bookstore. I hate and therefore refuse to use the new name...)

If you have any dessert recipes to share with me, either send them to me on pinterest or comment below. Please. I beg of you. Because I will definitely love you forever for it. Also, this is a cry for help to stop making those brownies in a mug because they are really good but not really worth eating anymore...

Long live sugar and sweet tooths!!

Hurricane

My emotions are SO close to the surface, it's insane.

The past twenty four hours went from being happiest to worst nightmare to crazy dreams come true back to sucky and yet hopeful. Literally the most hysterically I've ever cried. Body shaking and waterfalls and gasping. I went ballistic.

It was the breaking point.

Bottle it up as I may, there is always a point that I snap and everything comes out. My mother was the unfortunate witness of this last night. After trying to calm my own tears and read my scriptures and stop hyperventilating but not succeeding at anything, I ran blindly through my pitch black house into my mom's room, and lost it. Poor woman, she was almost asleep before I rudely interrupted, and she in no way expected what came next.

*Quick side note about my superwoman mom. First of all, raising nine kids and living to tell the tale is quite the accomplishment. Despite my dumb mistakes, she'll get out of bed, and calm me down for an hour or so and help me fall asleep. She'll listen to my hysterics both good and bad, and at the same time be brutally honest and say, "You need to stop now before you end up in the ER." She is my favorite woman. She has so much courage and is able to hold her head high when times are exceedingly hard for her. She has dealt with a lot lately, and though she sometimes feels like a hot mess, she's the most admirable lady. Love her more than my own life.*

I literally felt like I was going to die last night. My body was numb, and I couldn't stop hyperventilating. Scariest feeling in the world. But my mother saved me. I spilled all the things that had been leading up to this, and she patiently listened.

Finally, after the tears stopped and my breathing slowed down to less of a hyperventilation breath and more of a sick and can't breathe breath, my phone made a little ching-a-ring noise. I looked and could not believe my eyes. Mitch Mathews was stalking my twitter account and had favorited a tweet of mine from the beginning of the summer. WHAAAAAAAT. I realize that makes me sound so stupid.
Now I have to explain the situation involving him. He is...indescribable. Wide Receiver for the BYU football team. 6'6" and BEAUTIFUL. Brooklyn and I may or may not have been completely ridiculous about him at the game on Thursday and then waited for an hour after just for him to come out of the locker room. And now he is following me on Twitter and had just favorited my tweet. I was geeking out. This time my mom was laughing at my new bout of tears and laughter and hyperventilating. (the hyperventilating was involuntary because I was already so worked up about everything, and if you didn't catch the little detail before, I'm sick).

Random memory: I ran into two people on separate occasions who I thought I would never see again this weekend, and THEY were the ones to call out MY name and give ME a hug. So it was nice to know that people from my past still care about me. ("past" is such a shady way of wording "high school" haha). I love that all the missionaries are returning now.

So although this was the best and worst weekend (and the worst post I've ever posted), I know these things for sure:

I love my mama, and she saves my life.
Dreams do come true (even though I'm ultimate fangirling)
Everything will be ok, even if it's really scary right now.

xoxo,
Eliza

P.S. Here's a pic of #10 himself after his amazing touchdown. I wish I could say I took this...

She turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans

Sometimes you have dreams. Big Dreams. Exciting and scary dreams. Your dreams are all contradicting, so you choose to follow one of them, meanwhile the other two hang on for dear life in the back seat while the driving dream throws you for some pretty interesting loops.

Then one Sunday very much like today, a friend follows you home from break the fast for scotcheroos that you made late Saturday night *side note: The new WalMart marketplace by Macey's? Golden. I was so disoriented and confused by it at first, but I actually love it. And it's SO CLOSE. end side note* and end up talking until the late hours of the evening. Talking about all the boy frustrations, dating in general, the creeps of the singles ward that bring you flowers, school stresses, etc. And then... BRAIN BLAST. All of my dreams coincide with hers. And here is the plan. Obviously it is subject to change in many ways, but nevertheless, I'm really pleased with it and kind of hope it actually happens.

After she graduates with a degree in graphic design (she has three semesters left, so it's easier to say when she's done than to have her wait around for me to be done too...), we're both going to get certified in wedding planning! *Side note: If you know anything about me, you know that I am completely and utterly obsessed with weddings. I collect bridal magazines and want to make a color pallette catalog and a fabric swatch catalog... so many things. End side note* Wedding planning has always been one of the three dreams in my head. AND since she and her sister both have degrees in graphic design and possibly interior design, they want to start a business and I will join. That's not all. I could be their personal secretary slash receptionist AND contribute to the wedding planning. THAT COVERS BOTH OF MY BACK SEAT DREAMS AND I'M SO EXCITED THAT YES CAPSLOCK IS COMPLETELY NECESSARY.
Wait, what about the little driver dream? You might be asking. And I'm asking the same question. Yes I'm getting a degree in dance and yes I'm going to keep dancing, and yes I'll always wish I could be a rockette, but I have no idea what's gonna happen. I'm not gonna be famous, and I don't know whether or not I want to perform or teach, so I'm currently at a great big ole loss. Not that I have to be famous for my career to mean something, but you know what I mean, right?

I've got a dream, I've got a dream. And it has nothing to do with the floating lanterns gleaming....

Scotcheroos should be illegal because you canNOT just eat one. Try as you might, next thing you know, the pan is almost empty... and you're not even hungry, but you can't stop, won't stop eating them. Curse you, rice krispie deliciousness.

brb, gotta go stalk wedding videos on vimeo and a few other blogs that I am currently obsessed with...

If you ask Morgan Jo about the other night when she was at my house, she would tell you I was a lil sassy punk and a mad-woman. I was hysterical with stress and angst, and so I went from bratty to laughing to mellow and back. When she left I burst into tears because I was overwhelmed. I can easily say that is the weirdest night I have ever experienced emotionally. Since I haven't done an angsty, vague post in a long time, here we go, for old time's sake.

I get frustrated with hypocrites. If you tell on someone for something, don't turn around and do the very same thing, k?

I'm excited, but in order to satisfy the mother, I have to suppress my excitement. Bummer.

Not as vague, but I love the pack n ship. I love filing paperwork and watering the boss's plants and stocking the breakroom because my dream is to be a personal secretary and fulfill secretary duties. Now, if only my boss was a hot, middle-aged man that gave me his credit card to go get him food or get myself a new outfit for a special business event or asked for a rundown of the meetings for the day or something official. I can see myself rocking the secretarial position...

Jealousy is of the devil and yet one of my secret weaknesses. I say I'm not the jealous type, but it's a big fat LIE. Not if someone gets a scholarship, not if someone gets a hot boyfriend, not even if a past person finds someone new. I get jealous of attention and clothing. Like, what? If I have a friends who stop paying attention to me, I turn a wee bit green in the face. Also, I am the WORST at shopping. I'll love something and never buy it. So really it's my own fault. but I hate when everyone around me has adorable wardrobes and expensive taste. #poorcollegestudentwithaloan

You know those fantasies that you really want to talk about with people but you don't want to tell anyone? Yeah, me too. Especially after stalking wedding videos and blogs all day at work this morning instead of doing homework like a good student.

I can't believe I've been home from Italy for a month. I was looking back at some recently tagged pics of me, and I MISS it. I didn't really think I would because of all the crazy stuff that happened. I mean, yes it was overall a dream come true, but there were definitely some things that I hope to NEVER experience again. But such is life, I guess. I wanted to post so many pictures just barely because there are so many fun times, but I will refrain from overloading you all. So here are a few from the night we went to an Italian opera.

Red lipstick ladies. 

Lately I have a thing with the comeover look... which is actually BAD because I look bald. 

My Rachey. I miss her.

Where did the angst in this post go? It looks like the mood swings haven't ended... But actually, it's hard to be angsty when you have so much to be thankful for. I'm realizing how many people actually care about me, and it's nice to know I'm not just a number or a face in the crowd. Even though I really am at BYU because there are practically 3.7 billion people there... Point being, God is good to me and even though this semester I'm going to be taking 17.5 credits, working two jobs, and volunteering to TA a jazz class, so I will be able to teach beginning jazz at BYU someday AND I'm in the relief society presidency, He's got my back. Craziest thing I've ever done? Yes. But the term "spread thin" doesn't exist in my vocabulary. I've been greeting each day with an insane amount of enthusiasm that is not my own, so something big is coming. Or it's not.
I'm gonna change the world someday. Or I'm not.
But for today, I am happy.

With Love And Lack of Angst,
Lize

P.S. I'm in love with my new tiger tank from Cotton On. Yay impulse shopping. Boo not having money for more impulse shopping.

Home again, home again

So here's something. It has been TWO YEARS. No one ever thought two years would actually come and happen and end. But it did, and now all the beautiful people in my life that left to serve full time missions for the LDS church are coming home!!! For example, the girl in the middle? Lauren. She just got home from France this week and gave the most marvelous homecoming talk in church today.
How I have missed my friends. Also, let's not even try to hide the fact that we get to eat so many amazing meals at homecomings :) Thank you, Utah.

And this is just the beginning! Now I have the following months to look forward to Natalie and Jen and Dani and Connor and Mary and Matt and then MY SISTER. Bring on the sweet reunions, folks.

But, with beautiful reunions also comes terrible goodbyes...

My homeboy, twin separated by two years, brah, broseph, goofball moved to LA. He's gone. I miss him terribly. And I hate that I couldn't go on the car ride to take him out there like I had promised. When he took me to dinner before Italy, we thought that would be our last goodbye until Christmas, we were both really sad and even shed tears about it. We aren't the crying kind, Robert and I. Then when I got home from Italy, and he was still here, I was OVERJOYED. The jokes and talks never ended. Then the real goodbye happened. I hated it. He wants me to come visit though, so that's a plus.
Luh you, 'berto.

Here's to escaping to my cabin tonight, so I don't have to think about school starting until Tuesday... aka the first day of school.

Happy weekend, y'all

Breathe Deep, Breathe Clear

Ok. First, I LOVED the movie If I Stay. I've seen it twice now... It cut me deep. I was a hot mess in the theater, and I found myself relating to things I never thought I would relate to. It made me ponder on many a different situations I have experienced. I was definitely not emotionally prepared for that one. But I highly recommend it. The music is especially perfect. Adam's voice is flawless and melts all listeners into a puddle of love, so beware. My favorite song is "Heart Like Yours." When you see the movie you'll understand.

CDT is amazing, kids. I am cursed by being tall and various other things that are always going to exist, but I feel more at home here than I ever have on a company post-high school (dance-wise. Still working on the social aspect). I feel so alive, and even though I'm exhausted, I can already tell I'm getting stronger. And in two short weeks, I'm learning so much about how to control my long limbs better. It's the best.

So this one time I was gonna quit my job, but then I realized I had a severe case of what I call "The grass is greener" syndrome. I fixed my attitude, and things are still hard and dramatic at the good ole pack n ship, but other opportunities have opened up that are actually better than if I had taken that job in Draper. Also, I have some pretty rockin' friends at the pack n ship, so I think I'll survive being thought of as the spawn of Satan by my student manager. #shakeitoff #hatersgonnahatehatehatehatehate

D&C 50:40-42. It's a good one.

Good night, loves. I want to write something poetic for you, but I need to find the inspiration first. So Cheers for now.

Miss me yet?

I think I left part of my soul in Italy. I feel incomplete. An outsider in regular conversations.
I also think I left some of my new-found confidence and sophistication in the land of gelato and pasta. I keep saying, "Oh, In Italy..." and tell stories, but I really don't want to become the snob that has the "Oh, well when I went to this exotic place, I had blah blah blah blah I'm better than you"attitude goin on. So sorry 'bout it if that's how it comes across. That's definitely not how I meant it to be. You have to understand that Italy is the craziest, most exciting, and most adventurous thing I've done so far in my entire life. It literally changed me.

So, here are some pics while I try to clear my thoughts. Sorry if you thought I was done with these kinds of posts, and sorry if there are repeat pictures... Also, one last thing: A lot of these pictures were taken by other girls on this trip, and I sneakily asked to have copies, so I wish I could take credit. Anyhooter:

"I have magic hair that glows when I sing!"

 Thuggin in Venice

So... Miss Teen World is my friend... #bragging

How did they get this sculpture of me and any male that tries to partner me?

"We are the muses. Goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes"

Good morning, Venice

golden arches fail.

You have NO idea what this store did to me. I am OBSESSED with all things weddings, so I stared in the window of this shop for too long. I would have stared longer if the rest of my group wasn't two blocks ahead of me. *Side Note: Danielle and I are going to become wedding planner certified as soon as she graduates from college, so you can bet I will be fulfilling one of my wildest dreams.

Penny, the best tour guide in the world.

The Mouth of Truth from Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn. 

We searched and searched for it for hours, and we finally found it.

On my way down from the top of St. Peter's basilica. 

aka Sweaty hot mess after 600+ steps and über small spaces.

"You hoo! Big summer blowout!"

piccolo bacio for Cristiano Ronaldo

Throw a penny, blow a kiss. Close your eyes, make a wish.

we got rull good at selfies

ciao, bellas

                                                      August 1 Celebratory gelato

(Excuse the ratchet face) 

photobomb= success

My piccolo boyfriend, Samuel. 

Guys, never have I seen such an attractive 13 year old. 

Just imagine how flawless he'll be in 10 years... 

From the tip top of St. Peter's

(I am Katniss, hear me roar. Also, homeboy...)

ARRIVEDERCI.

This is what I need. I need summer to stay, I need my Italian sass back, and I need gelato. I need to go out for a night on the town, but I need to find a better town first (no offense, AF. But you're not full of night life and sophistication...). I need to strut my lil Italian strut down the street and turn some heads (hahahaha I think I miss this the most of anything!) I also need to go shopping for european clothing. But that's actually a want, not a need...

Ahimè.