On which she thanks people

I meant to post this earlier last week, but nevertheless here it is.

"I'm thankful for people with the ability to know when people need a little pick-me-up. I'm also thankful for a Heavenly Father who whispers to those people when I need that little pick-me-up. While I'm at it, I'mma go ahead and thank the people who pick me up when they don't even know I need it. It's so cool to know that people are looking outside themselves.

Thank you for the pink otterpop, strangers. You'll never know how much happiness that frozen sugar brought me. Especially after a day like today.

Thank you, strangers, for giving me a pink daisy on Valentine's Day two years ago when I was in a boot and walking with crutches. It was really nice of you, and you'll never even know daisies are my favorite flower.

Thank you, random person, for leaving a dollar in the vending machine. I'll go ahead and assume it was on purpose because I really needed a snack that one day.

Thank you, friend, for texting me when nothing else was really happy for me. It's nice to talk about someone else's trials sometimes, even when I don't have the best answers or words of comfort.

People say to count your blessings when you're sad, and it's actually working, so that's good news."

Being sick is always the "kick her while she's down" in my life. For the past two weeks it has been a strUH-GGLE. Also, getting sick causes me to stress way more than necessary about things that are out of my control...

I don't really know where this blog post is going because today was pretty happy compared to the past days of the week, so I think I'll just end it now. ciao.

xoxo,
Lize

Thoughts as of late

new lipstick color... sent this selfie to my mama on mother's day since she was out of town, but she really wanted to see what that color looked like. So... I don't know why I posted it, but there it is.

Nastia Liukin got sent home from DWTS, and I don't think I've ever seen my dad so passionately angry about something other than sports... I'm really sad too because she was beautiful.

You know how the third day and the third week are always the hardest as far as dance/exercise goes? Today everything was burning.

I think someday I'm going to be world reknowned for my topknot, that's all I'm saying.

TWENTY DAYS until my birthday
FIFTY ONE DAYS until I leave for Europe

I forgot how happy getting new clothes/accessories makes me. I rarely go shopping because I can't afford it, what with paying for school and such, but this past week I have bought a workout outfit for half off, a pair of shoes for my friend's wedding, and my sister bought me a pair of mismatched earrings that I adore!!! I feel like my life is complete! I am so content, and I feel refreshed. Also, I love the fact that both of the clothing/shoe purchases were online shopping. I find online shopping a lot more thrilling than actually shopping most days. Especially when things fit perfectly or offer free shipping or are a killer deal. I'm all for those killer deals.

Youtube is a black hole for me. Every time without fail, I always mean to watch one video and I end up spending hours upon hours upon on that website. I am a zombie basically. Can't stop, won't stop :)

I hate how when you get sick it begins subtley and then you can feel it getting worse more and more rapidly. This is the current situation of my life. Sinus infection from Hades. Or so I am thinking. And actually praying because I handle those like a champ.

That is all for tonight. I am getting worse by the second. More exciting stuff to come later.

what time is it?! SUMMER TIME!! IT'S OUR VACATION

Since the end of finals I have watched:
-She's the man
-Teen Beach Movie
-High School Musical 2
-High School Musical 3
-Gossip Girl, season 1 & 1/2 of season 2

Have I gone a little nuts with Netflix.... if you couldn't tell. My brother in law and sister went to Mexico, and they gave us their account info for our apple tv. So.... duh I took advantage of it. I'm getting better at pacing myself, but I've been up late almost every night (because I can) watching some sort of something on the ole Telly.  It's a great time to be had.

I'm taking a few summer classes, namely tap dance and world dance. I LOVE tap! I didn't grow up with it, so it is so exciting (and frustrating) to learn new things and not be the best at it! It sounds cocky, yes, but I'm learning a lot.
AAAAAAAND, it made me so excited to get better at it, so I can try out for the Radio City Rockettes!!! It has been an obsession and dream of mine for actual years, and now that there is a kind of sort of possibility that I could make it, I am RUNNING with it.  *happy dance ensues*

I haven't had much time to lay out in the UV rays, which is seriously stressing me out. Hahaha! I'm not even kidding. One reason I love summer is being tan and wearing even LESS makeup and have the summer glow on your skin. I know it's lit'r'ly only May 1st, but the stress is so real.

A few things I'm looking forward to this summer:
-TAN SKIN (ok, sorry, I just had to)
-campfires at night
-staying at the cabin
-uh EUROPE
-Swimming and tanning whilst in the water (hehehe... too much?)
-hiking
-new {summer} clothes
-heels cracking from wearing sandals all the time
-raking in the dooooough
- driving with the windows down all day and night
-popcicles
-night time activities with hooligans
-froyo and shaved ice
-Idaho in Sept. with mah main squeeze, Miss BKay

The list continues. And I'll document it all here :)
Love always and forever
xoxo,
Lize.

The art of remaining calm when one should probably panic

I'd like to think I'm good at that, but I'm actually not. I have gotten to a point of stress with these final exams that this morning, I jolted upright and said, out loud, "Crap. What day is it?!" Luckily my phone told me it was Sunday, and I fell back onto my pillow for a few more uneasy hours of sleep.

I am not exactly great at not procrastinating things until the very last second. I keep trying not to stress myself out about my lazy decision to do assignments at 2 in the morning, but my body is telling me it has had enough, resulting with migraines, sinus infections and nausea from the firey place down under. I gotta learn somehow, I guess.

Despite the stresses of the past few weeks, I can't help but be so grateful for the loving people in my life. The people who make me so nervous and flustered and make my face turn red every time I try to talk to them, and the people who ride in my car and sing really loud and break it down like Beyoncé.

Then there's that day when I wore a light blue bed sheet for a costume in one of my finals. #desparationcalledforit It gave the teachers a good laugh, so hopefully it gives me a good grade *fingers crossed*

You know what, though? I made it passed two of the hardest days of my life that I sincerely did not think I would make it past whilst remaining alive/conscious. I DID IT! I have two finals left today that are going to be relatively easy... so I am pretty much done with this semester which is the sawEEtest music to my ears. And my soul. Basically I've never been happier for summer to be right around the corner.

Know what else I just realized and can finally be happy about? I'M HEADED BACK TO THE MOTHERLAND IN 72 DAYS, SANCHEZZZZZZ. I'M ACTUALLY SUPER EXCITED. We're going the most random places, but I don't even care because gelato and waffles and crepes and all the delicious things in the world. Also shopping in Prague? Also, I'm making it a point to buy leather boots in Hungary. Because apparently that's a thing.

Here's to right around the corner and finally being able to hold a real conversation with someone without choking. (I'm super proud of myself for that one)

SUNSHINE, DAISIES, BUTTERMELLOW, I'M GONNA GO WATCH HARRY POTTER

Note to self:

This was a draft I had from last June, and it made me laugh at how little my life has changed. So here:

Makeup wipes remove red lipstick better than anything

Friendships are often meant to be

PDA is gross

Forehead kisses are still an obsession of mine

Wet paper towels/napkins are the most repulsive things

Once Upon a Dream

I cannot say I've ever had a dream that was a full on musical. Until last night. Since I'm laying in my nice comfy bed on this Sunday morning, I figured I would share this dream because it is too good to not be documented. Some of the descriptions won't make sense, I'm sure, but just humor me and possibly yourself and just read on through this lil tale.

It started with me in a foreign country. I think it was the countryside of London, but I don't know for sure. The setting is mostly a palace grounds, so there's that too. Beautiful castle, right out of a fairytale book. Apparently, my family and I had been there for a few months, attending balls and living in the castle. I came into the story in the end of the months of my stay (obviously. how could I live months of royalty life in one night?) and there was wedding planning happening. Caterers were arriving, and decorators were bringing in thousands of flowers and fabric and all sorts of draperies. They were all singing a song while they cleaned and decorated, like in a musical (but I had never heard the song before, so it wasn't the type of musical that I already know like Beauty and the Beast or something...I was literally living my own musical). The finished product was the most beautiful place I've ever seen. I can't even describe it besides magical.
I went into one of the bedrooms to change my clothes, and one of my friends was there and was giving me a gift...? As I opened it, I realized that I was the bride-to-be. But then it felt as if I knew that all along. So I went with it. I looked out the window as some of the wedding party were decorating the getaway car, etc. I got a little bit nervous as time went on because everyone was talking about how life with my future husband would be so perfect. I didn't recognize the name they were referring to, and the more I thought about it as I was getting my hair and makeup done, I couldn't even remember what the guy looked like! All of a sudden I got the feeling that I shouldn't be going through with this. Obviously I don't even know him well enough if I can't even remember what my own fiancé looks like. I was about to slip into the most beautiful wedding dress in the world when I started to break down out loud. I said, "I don't think I can do this." My mother looked up from a book as she was getting pampered and ready. A few other bridesmaids in the room were getting ready too, but everyone froze and all eyes were on me. I was in one of those silky full-body slips and a white silky bathrobe (like you would see in the movies).
Just then the man who was apparently my fiancé poked his head in the door, everyone's eyes shifted to each other and then back to me, nervous and trying to act like everything was fine. He immediately shifted his gaze downward, not wanting to "see me" before our actual wedding. He said something to my mother along the lines of taking care of it all before they flew back home. Two things came to my mind: 1) he's only decently attractive, and not even so, so what am I doing? and 2) we WOULD be living here, which I can't complain about but also WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHAT MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM? He left the room into the bedroom next door, probably to get ready, and I got into my dress.
All of a sudden, I wanted to cry and I realized I'm too young and inexperienced to get married! I rushed next door, and the man met me at the door of his room. I hugged him and held him for a long time (really cheesy, but what musical isn't?) I think we were singing a song together, but it was our thoughts, not actual out loud words. hahaha. Then I pulled back and said, "Wait. You're LDS right?" He said yes, and that he was from Paris. (I don't know why the latter comment was necessary, but it was...Also, that was said in the most fiendy way possible. I'm laughing just thinking about it. Of COURSE I would...) The way he walked around the room, shuffling through drawers and getting ready was setting me on edge for some reason. He said something else about going back to live in Paris every few months out of the year after we are married. He gave me a gift to open, but before I did, I was thrown into ultimate panic mode. I said, "I don't think we should get married. We need to call it off." He looked surprised and hurt and came over to me and was trying to sooth me. I said, "I don't even know you or anything about you!" He started getting all mad and dramatic about "what will we tell everyone?" and "we already paid for everything!" I was crying and saying, "I know, I'm sorry, but we are not ready for this. I don't even think I love you." Another moment where everyone and everything in the room stopped dead in their tracks. Then people were pleading with me, even him, and I was sobbing and felt like I was going to suffocate. I was trying to find some shoes while mumbling, "I need to get some air." As I put on some reesty boots (under my stunning wedding dress, of course. Leave it to me to frumpify the perfect dream), I said the previous sentence again, quieter, but then I heard the fiancé say something about if our life together was hard, he could just resort to drinking. In that moment I stood up and CHARGED across the room to him. He was sitting in a window nook, putting on some shoes and looked up in surprise at the speed with which I approached him. I pointed a finger right in his face and LIT INTO HIM. I was furious that he would think that that was even an option and that my future husband will only be the best example to my children, etc. I was fuming. He definitely looked panicked. I stopped talking, looked him square in the eyes and said, "It's done. I'm leaving." and walked out the door.
#theDRAMA. hahaha at the end of the dream, Heather McDonald was there, and she was getting mad at me for turning him down and for wasting everyone's time and for hurting him the way I did because he didn't deserve that. That led into everyone in the palace cleaning up the unused wedding stuff and singing a song to the tune of "When You Wish Upon a Star" but with a lot sadder words.

And that was the end. I woke up and had to stay in bed for a good five minutes to process what had just happened in my brain. I learned one thing: I am not ready for marriage yet. {L-ing OL. Thank you, subliminal messages}

So there's that. Also, I think the decorations in that castle were my dream wedding, sohn... darn.
Aren't dreams so funny and random and weird? Especially when they feel so real.

Happy Sunday, hahaha! And good luck muscling through all the final projects and tests. *raises three fingers and whistles to the Mockingjays*

xoxo,
Lize.

Real Talk with Lize: boizzz edition

We're friends and have been for awhile, so I'm gonna take our friendship to the next level. Confession time: I love boy bands. Especially NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. There, I said it. :)

#neverforget2k15 #alwaysinourhearts

Another confession. This is actually really real, heads up.: I hope I'm not alone in saying this, but I always want what I can't have when it comes to the male species.  I don't mean that in an unrighteous way, and I'm not saying the only guys I ever think about are celebrities or from another world. I mean this-- I tend to crush on boys who don't know I exist, have been called "dibs" on by a friend, or are too far out of reach/league, etc. Aka I am all about the chase. Sure it actually sucks and it's not that fun when you crush on someone and they have no idea and/or they don't reciprocate, but it's kind of ever-so-slightly enjoyable. Twisted, right? The mess comes in, however, when they finally start to get the hint and/or decide to reciprocate. By the time that happens, I've most likely gotten bored in waiting around forever and fantasizing (girls fantasize way more than they admit. Except I just admitted it... sohn...) about even becoming something more than strangers with a person, and I'm ready to move on. "Bored" sounds like such a harsh word to use, but it's the actual truth. A girl who never gets asked out on dates can only hope for so long. I guess that's why friends in the past have used me as a disposable hand wipe ("we'll pretend we're setting you up with him instead of her") and have also told me "Wow, I feel bad for any guy who ever likes you" or "how is a man ever going to keep you interested?," etc. That is the real question, people. I'm working on it. Anyway, the point is I'm chasing, and this time I really don't want to get bored. It's a long shot, and we all know that it's legitimately crazy to think that I could even become FRIENDS with said person, but I feel a great little smidgen of hope about this one. I could be wrong, because I'm wrong a lot of the times, but... here goes nothing. and a little bit of everything. but mostly nothing. *jumps in feet first*

I had a great weekend filled with eyebrow things and perfect teeth and fangirls out the wazzoo and fries and Brightly Beams and gaining new friends and loving the friends I have. And new black jeans that make my confidence skyrocket :) Thank you, H&M.

Thanks for reading.
Until next time,
Lize.



#ILived

Intervention

I need some realignment (in more ways than one). Yes, my back and sacrum and head hurt really badly because I have some ribs out of place, etc. But that's not necessarily what I am talking about.

So here.
--pack and ship: I've worked there for approx. 2.5 years now and made some of the closest friends I've ever had. I even know way more about the mail system than I ever cared to in my wildest dreams. Also, there is no boundary for me there. Some coworkers think I'm a freak *cough, cough, Tyler, cough*, but I like it. It's kind of like a sanctuary. A sanctuary where I file paperwork and water  my boss' office plants and stock the breakroom kitchen utensils. Couldn't even be happier.
--CDT: Our concert is this week!! So if you haven't been heavily pestered by me on Facebook, this is your inviation to come! Friday and Saturday at 7:30 pm (there's a matinee at 2 pm on Saturday too). tickets are $12, but with the promo code BYUdance you can get 2 tickets for $20. *end soapbox* Actually, before I end, one more thing. Thursday at 11 am. You might want to be in Brigham's Square on BYU campus. Just saying #surprises
--dance in general: I feel so lost when I'm not dancing. And not just dancing, but advanced classes that push me really hard physically and mentally (ballet and jazz). I hate modern dance classes. I have learned nothing except for the fact that modern involves no technique and makes my muscles turn to flab. Anyway, back to the uplifting things of life. Dance. I don't know if you knew this, but I just adore dance with every fiber of my being. I love kicking my face and sitting in strangely unhuman positions that are normal to me but quite alien to everyday passersby. I love how it makes me feel alive, even if I can't breathe and sweat really badly. I don't know what else I can even say about dance because I am feeling so grateful for my talent and ability this evening. I just want others to be inspired by the movement they witness. I don't want it to be a praise of me and what my body can do, but a praise of how great God is and the thoughts and impressions people had when they watch me (or the rest of the company) dance. This past week I have been pondering the question that I have been asked since I was a little child. That is: "Why do you dance?" As it turns out, that is probably the hardest question I have ever been asked to answer. I don't even know if I know the answer. I could say it makes me love myself, but it also makes me hate myself a little bit. I could say it helps me express my feelings, but it also helps me be numb and forget all feeling. I could even say it is my form of exercise (because I hate running), but then I would have to say that it doesn't ever feel like exercise. I don't know exactly why I dance and why I put up with the pulled muscles and floor burns and bruises and every injury and ache and pain. I just know that I have to. I've contemplated quitting a few times throughout my life, but I can't even let myself do that. ****cheesy alert***** Dance is the thing that makes me me. It has helped me find myself and also lose myself, when necessary. It has taught me things that no human experience in my life could. I'm so thankful for dance :)
So come see my show :)
--moving on:Mah main gurls. I think you have an idea of yourselves, but for name dropping purposes, this week has made me especially fond of Miss BKay, Heather, Catsidy, Jezzica, and Becca. If only you could comprehend the influence these fine ladies have had on me. *highlight of the week* running into Becca in the RB parking lot. So many words. Such wise, very wow. Not even to mention that she is the sweetest woman in the world.
--I need to stop trying to live vicariously through others. I need to somehow live an exciting life for myself instead of replaying people's snap stories a thousand times and wishing I was there or stalking people on social media and wishing to be their friend. I need to make my life happen!! So that's that. obviously it won't change over night, but this is the intervention. To tell myself that change needs to happen. I need to waste less time, get 'er done, and live in the here and now.
--I need to STOP EATING WHEAT AND YEAST. (the ONLY exception is the cupcakes from Cupcake Chic. Don't worry, Brooklyn.) It is one hundred percent a metaphor for worldly desires. Temporarily delicious and blissful and then only pain and anguish remains after the Zupa's panini or graham canyon icecream or Café Rio tortilla is digested. I haven't learned my lesson either because I have repeatedly tortured myself with it since the very day I found out that I was allergic! It's getting rather pathetic. Alas.

Life is great. I can't wait to perform this week and wear stage makeup. Stage makeup is my favorite. hollerrr. It's gon be good... Also, pray that the sock mask won't work and that I won't have to wear it.
Thank you, good night.

#ifeelloved #canyoufeelthelovetonight #ican #liveyourlife

Karma dances in elevators

So there's this boy.... Gonna be completely honest, and I'm mad at myself slightly for admitting it. But I justify slash rationalize that I'm different than all the other teeny boppers and college-going girls who swoon over him. I also may be slightly more creepy.... #notashamed #jkdefinitelyashamed #lovemyselfandihatemyself

Going "cold turkey" on anything is difficult, I must admit. And I failed. Multiple times. Trying to ignore the dress rehearsal buddy ends in embarrassing myself by dancing in and out of the elevator and not realizing he was probably watching. Then there's the whole concert and got-pulled-on-stage part. When he grabbed my "random crowd girl" hand and began pulling me to center stage, I turned my head, and both of us mirrored happy, surprised looks on our faces. Instantly flustered for the rest of the performance. Can't form sentences. Can't even manage to tell him good job. Good one, Lize. Good one. Then there's the day (today) when I decide I can kick this...infatuation like it's old news. First class of the day was jazz.
I walk in, ready to be the best TA ever, and ready to forget about you-know-who. We learned a combo that had no counts, so we could play with timing and the musicality, etc. Then she told us to lay down and close our eyes and just listen to the song. As we discussed the meaning of the song, I face-palmed so hard. It's about loving someone so much, desperation, passion, not being afraid, etc. The song is kinda weird the first time you listen, but the more you hear it blasting in a dance studio that is dimly lit, you easily fall in sincere love with it. I wasn't going to, but I'll post a video of the song. Actually, I'll wait and post a video of me dancing the combo to it soon! That would be more fun.

Anyway, the point is not the dance, although that is very beautiful. The point is that I am smitten and I tried to run from it, but I can't. So sorry to everyone who believed that I could just step away.

But I do have a question. How can I stop being so silly? I need to get to the point where I can be calm and have a conversation? You know, cool as a cucumber? Dating SOS!

Wow. I'm in junior high, apparently...

Good thing gal-entine's is upon us, and I can have a fun girl's night with one of mah main gurls.

When a moment of weakness turns into three pieces of pizza.

Seemingly delectible, but the torture within is never worth it. haha #foodallergyprobs

News: My sister is home from her mission!!! It was a whirlwind of a week last week, but I have loved having my Shanny Poo home. and sitting by her at church is one of the best things.

On the subject of the week from the firey place, nothing turned out how I had planned in my head. But I learned one incredible thing. I do not have to be stuck and miserable in my current state. I can change! I have the opportunity to change how things are in my life through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Today I learned what happens when Eliza gets angry. Not just frustrated or upset, but angry. I said some things that were definitely uncalled for, and yes I feel badly for reacting the way I did, but it was also an interesting growing experience for me. I feel like I know myself better now. I was so mad. Almost shaking with anger. I was about ready to make some heads roll. But I'm (relatively...with the exception of two times today) good at biting my tongue and not lashing out at people when I'm in such a state. I don't say anything, and I shut down, but I sure don't make things worse. And mother was right when she said physical labor helps with blowing off steam. Also, tears and prayer and Reese's peanut butter hearts help :) Also the promise to see a long lost friend's new puppy soon. 

Puppies heal all hurting hearts.

I seriously can't even wait to meet Olivia, the puppy. I will hug her and snuggle up to her so much and obviously take pictures because she's too adorable not to document. I need the puppy smell and the soft puppy fur. They honestly make all cares in the world go away.

not Ollie, I just decided today that I want a German Shepherd sohn....

I was told today that desperation is the most unattractive quality to ever posess, but does that count for discrete desperation? Because I'm pretty sure that's what got me into the same theater as a certain someone, and got me the first favorite on my tweet today. Wow. That was exceedingly shallow of me. I blame angst.

My world is seemingly crumbling underneath me, and I'm wondering what is in store for me if everything I was counting on can no longer be counted on...? Sorry for the vagueness, but I wasn't actually supposed to be informed of half of the info I received today, so I was sworn to secrecy. Just know that I may become a little more desperate as time goes on... I know I shouldn't get my hopes up or stress too far in the future, but I have a bad habit of that.

Don't think that my life is all depressing lately. Sure I've had some tough days, but there are also a lot of wonderful things. I get to go to Europe this summer, I am (hopefully) going to LA for a week ish for some sun and dancing, and I have a great concert coming up at the end of this month. Let me know if you want to come to CDT's concert, by the way! Or buy tickets in the HFAC, or online at byuarts.com/tickets. Our show is called "Dance in Concert" and it is Feb. 20-21 with a matinee performance.

peace, love, and battements,

Lize.